Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 29 Dec 2013

    Retiring NFL Player Announces Plans To Go Bankrupt, Shoot Self Within 5 Years http://onion.com/K9C1L1  #OurAnnualYear

    9:31 AM - 29 Dec 2013
    • 95 Retweets
    • 88 Likes
    • Steve Gerken. Helen Wilkerson Han bass SLAYS GRAVE Matt danfitz sarah lange TheBirdsThatSing Elizabeth Amani
    23 replies 95 retweets 88 likes
      1. Just Hate‏ @justhate 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Retiring NFL Player Announces Plans To Go Bankrupt, Shoot Self Within 5 Years http://onion.com/K9C1L1  #OurAnnualYear” rough

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Dave‏ @uptownjesusRS 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion bad taste

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Nicholas P‏ @npz1978 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion with what we know about CTE and it's link to player suicides, was this supposed to be funny?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Arkansas Dave‏ @thearkansasdave 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Even for you, this is a fucked up headline. Don't joke about the seriousness of NFL injuries. #lowblow

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Blackius Maximus‏ @BlackiusMaximus 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        .@TheOnion WTH!? When you fuck up, you fuck up BIG. 'Funny' does not have to be synonymous with 'asshole'.

        2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Pfunk-the original‏ @Gluonsrule 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @BlackiusMaximus

        @BlackiusMaximus this is why i avoid the onion. it tries to be clever, but it's really just mean spirited - and usually not funny.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Spooky 🎃 Flirt Gamer‏ @NFlirtGamer 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion A man with a plan...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Theresa Novak‏ @TheresaNovak 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion as admirer of Jr. Seau, resent this. But there is sad truth in this humor misfire. Too many of these guys retire and die young.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Rocco‏ @Roccodumpster 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Post some Jim Anchower. Your current stuff sucks shit!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. kurth‏ @kuabatty 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Retiring NFL Player" headline not funny, simply crass @TheOnion. Unfollowed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andrew Hatter‏ @Andrew_weather 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion funny

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Nanita‏ @NaniWrites 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion This story is filled w/ pointless cruelty. TBI jokes are right up there w/ racial slurs in offensiveness. Was that the goal?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Antonio M. Tavares‏ @AMTavares2 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion take a joke. That's what it is. Stay away if u can't handle it. Douche!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Daniel Bidwell‏ @WatchtowerDB 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @reillymoore “@TheOnion: Retiring NFL Player Announces Plans To Go Bankrupt, Shoot Self Within 5 Years http://onion.com/K9C1L1  #OurAnnualYear

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Gary‏ @LostInAnimation 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion They used my team, #TheRams , too. This is disrespectful lol.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Doug‏ @seaski1999 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion LOL, relax sensitive people. The Onion isn't causing them to make millions, blow it all, then kill themselves.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tyler Danna‏ @TyDanna 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@MaxH2468 @TheOnion: Retiring NFL Player Announces Plans To Go Bankrupt, Shoot Self Within 5 Years http://onion.com/K9C1L1  #OurAnnualYear”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Best  👻In  💀The  🎃West  🌹‏ @Mob1us0ne 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Retiring NFL Player Announces Plans To Go Bankrupt, Shoot Self Within 5 Years http://onion.com/K9C1L1  ” @AbeVigoda10

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Abraham‏ @AbeVigoda10 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @Mob1us0ne

        @Mob1us0ne well, it is st. Louis after all. Everyone gets shot once

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Brennan Breeland‏ @jagbrennan 29 Dec 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion that's awful. Normally I find your humor to dance on the line, but that was in poor taste.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info