Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 24 Jul 2013

    Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massagehttp://onion.com/13aeUSq 

    8:14 AM - 24 Jul 2013
    • 135 Retweets
    • 64 Likes
    • Ratio Al Ghul she’s futch g.o.d. DrFlimFlam’s Monster Wolf Nicole Skello(ton) Qupac Shakur Maggie Wrobel The couch you're sitting on is a ,,HOT COUCH''
    31 replies 135 retweets 64 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. GEORGE W. GUSH‏ @nopenope4623784 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @MollickLamar

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Molly Catherine‏ @MollickLamar 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @nopenope4623784

        @trillceratops ALSO ANSWER YOUR TEXTS

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Molly Catherine‏ @MollickLamar 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @MollickLamar

        @trillceratops I NEED MY ARM BAND FOR RUNNING

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. GEORGE W. GUSH‏ @nopenope4623784 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @MollickLamar

        @MollickLamar sorry phone's been dead.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. MaryCatherine Finney‏ @mickfinney 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” it's funny cuz it's true.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Neal Parsons‏ @NealParsons 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @mickfinney

        @mickfinney Amy sent this to me :(

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Amy Parsons‏ @amyparsons00 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @NealParsons

        @NealParsons @mickfinney SO true!

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. MaryCatherine Finney‏ @mickfinney 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @amyparsons00

        @amoreena_t @NealParsons Awww - Neal have you forgotten EVERYTHING i taught you?? Was my training in vain?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. Amy Parsons‏ @amyparsons00 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @mickfinney

        @mickfinney @NealParsons Most of it is great, but I have gotten the spinal fluid squeeze rub a time or two.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. End of conversation
      1. Andrew Utterback‏ @Drewsers10 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @elizabethlannan

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kevin Ross‏ @kevin_ross22 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @erica_staley

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Dorothy Smith‏ @DorothySoprano 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @johnjacobs_

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. christine røde‏ @chrstnerode 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @MC_honeybadger “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ”

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Stucke‏ @destroyerofmen 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @rebeccabeu

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. rebeccabeu‏ @rebeccabeu 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @destroyerofmen

        @destroyerofmen @TheOnion I just don't understand anything the onion does

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Matthew Christopher Cote‏ @fourtonnemantis 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” @laundromantic, Us

        1 reply 1 retweet 0 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Kendra Beitzel‏ @kjoyb 24 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Area Man Treats Girlfriend To Sumptuous 20-Second Massage http://onion.com/13aeUSq ” hahahaha @B_mutt_er two songs, two songs?!

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info