Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 4 Jul 2013

    "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Jesus fucking Christ.."http://onion.com/123AAAn 

    11:04 AM - 4 Jul 2013
    • 188 Retweets
    • 98 Likes
    • mandude rob delaney anna Courtney Weaver Speaky Meadows Erin Holt Dave-o Birdie Zachary Matthew Williams
    26 replies 188 retweets 98 likes
      1. Holly Mathis‏ @hollyamathis 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Your statement is awful. Those words should not even be in the same sentence.

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Paul Stanley‏ @authorstanley 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I would tell this guy to go to hell but then again, my suggestion is not necessary.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tolu Sosanya‏ @sosanyat 5 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @TopeSosanya Explain please? I don't understand the disrespect of Christ's Name, who many call LORD, including me.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Laura Ann‏ @MysticalLaura 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Jesus fucking Christ.." http://onion.com/123AAAn ” @amykahlua

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Amy Kelch‏ @amykahlua 16 Jul 2013
        Replying to @MysticalLaura

        @MysticalLaura @TheOnion coffee stain on my best shirt. Lost my ATM card. & I'm still in debt for a dishwasher I bought six years ago

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Robert W. Scruggs‏ @RobertWScruggs 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion You have substituted 'shock' for 'meaning.' Much of your satire and wit is OK, but not when you use sacred references.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andrew Duncan‏ @amduncan89 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @harropjs just for you "@TheOnion: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Jesus fucking Christ.." http://onion.com/123AAAn ”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bill Krehnbrink‏ @CoachforPOTUS 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Who in the world is potty mouthed infant who is disgracing the Onion brand. If I wanted this humor I could go to a middle school.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Peter Popoola‏ @aye_pete 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion You can say what you want to say. You don't have to cuss or blaspheme to pass your message across.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Micah Griffith‏ @MJGriffith5 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Too far.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  🔻Brandarand Rufio! 🔻‏ @iambeanfeed 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh @TheOnion , you get me. http://onion.com/123AAAn ”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Butters R‏ @ButtersR 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of Jesus fucking Christ.."

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Casper‏ @tickleme4 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Whoa!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdnCBOM6vP8 …

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. De Los Saenz‏ @midknight52 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion - Midlife crisis, there he blows!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. EmbraceYourInnerDork‏ @psychoticgoober 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion oh c'mon people. I think the guy DOES love his country. He's just venting about his shitty life. I'm sure we all said this.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Brian Barbour‏ @bfbarbour 4 Jul 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read about American life - thx

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info