Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 16 Apr 2013

    Obama: 'The days when we could walk outside and feel completely safe and secure are over.'http://onion.com/XPe80U 

    3:30 PM - 16 Apr 2013
    • 129 Retweets
    • 56 Likes
    • Christopher Patten 𝕵𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖊 𝕸𝖆𝖓𝖙𝖎𝖈𝖔𝖗𝖊 𝕰𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖓 🎃👹🎃 BenCosmicEgg Kate McConnell Zach Whitt Brandon Goodyear Sara Mosle Jared Weiss CWS CHAMPS (Cody W. Smith)
    28 replies 129 retweets 56 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Jason Whitlock‏Verified account @WhitlockJason 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        . @TheOnion what are you doing? I enjoy the onion, but this is not the time. And I laugh at everything. Please reconsider.

        27 replies 8 retweets 5 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Joe Makris‏ @joecoolmak 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion sucks. Never again.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Alex Vandervort‏ @Tacojoemeru 17 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Dang it, @TheOnion. You're supposed to be satirical. That article is too damn true.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Zak W‏ @ZMan907 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Obama: 'The days when we could walk outside and feel completely safe and secure are over.' http://onion.com/XPe80U ” GUNS LOADED!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Zach Whitt‏ @Whittaculus 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Obama: 'The days when we could walk outside and feel completely safe and secure are over.' http://onion.com/XPe80U ” @Kirkrlton

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Stephanie Howard‏ @steph_ho83 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion too soon. Have some reverence for a very sad day.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. GetAmpedUp‏ @GetAmpedUp 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion nice try

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Madeleine Scholz ‏ @ripcurlgirl0304 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion no they are not thing like this have happened before (see the bomb at the Georgia Olympics) and they have been a one time deal.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mrs.Renai‏ @kcshoegal22 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I got it. Sad, but kinda true.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tim Murphy‏ @TimeForMurphy 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion would you guys back down for a little bit? We're only 30 hours out for god sakes.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pat Washington‏ @pwash86 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Ummmmm too soon. Way too soon. Please reconsider.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. MikeWho?‏ @MikeWhoEthos 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion. U r 2 sad.Step away from the keyboard now.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. AnonYmous‏ @MevinKitnick 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion secure depends on your neighborhood, race, clothing color, time of day and who you associate with....

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kikisan‏ @KisKis 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion usually I would laugh-but sadly- it is the truth. We live today ..worldwide, in fear. Kindly write about Carlos Arrendondo.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. William Cox‏ @jvrsshurricane 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I thought you did funny stuff not stupid stuff

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andy Bell‏ @Tigerstolly 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion the city that funds the IRA learns what an IRA style attack feels like. I could think of better ways to see what they are funding.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Drew Mochak‏ @Object_InSpace 16 Apr 2013
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Needs more jokes and less truth/10

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info