@TheOnion Russia's Putin signs US adoption ban after watching Angelina Jolie's movie Salt. Will devise new strategy for sleeper agents.
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Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion Every year on Mother's Day I visit the grave of my $5 million trust fund. Thanks alot you stupid skank.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion Most of those BP billions lost were teacher pension funds from every one of the 50 States.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion Oh, look, we just made it all back in a matter of minutes. Sadness gone.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion BP..all about the BenjaminsThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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