@TheOnion Lance Armstrong, Roger Clemens, and Billy "Superstar" Graham walk into a juice bar. They walk right back out, confused.
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@TheOnion A real american hero!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion right after they stripped him of his tour titles, no less!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion He would have got more coverage if shot in front of the Empire State Building.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion They can put a man on the moon, but they can't save his heart.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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