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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Aug 21

    Frustrated Men Demand To Know ‘Exactly Where On Tits It Okay To Touch Nowadays’ https://trib.al/w6XVWql pic.twitter.com/Y2vLVdVHJ2

    9:56 AM - 21 Aug 2018
    • 93 Retweets
    • 625 Likes
    • phillip dickless associate Panda Palkova dagreBOO! MyStarbucksNameIsMark - ̗̀Lizardman PhD  ̖́ - Gregbusters 𝕾𝖆𝖈𝖈𝖍𝖎𝖉𝖆𝖓𝖆𝖓𝖉 Tribune of the Plebs
    21 replies 93 retweets 625 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Rob Z Tobor‏ @Rob_Z_Tobor Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Anywhere as long as they dont shout and offer them some bird seed first.

        2 replies 0 retweets 12 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Humorose‏ @twictitious Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Photographer: You guys here for the stock photo shoot? Men: Yeah. Photographer: Okay, any previous experience? Man 1: A little. Hey... what will this be used for? Nothing weird, right? Photographer: C'mon, fellows. It's 40 bucks. Yeah? Man 2: Okay, I guess. *nervously laughs*

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Geppetto San Martín‏ @SmalltimeJones Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Nowadays you can't even call 'em "blouse clowns" without getting the fire department called on ya.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. SKÎ‏ @robbski300 Aug 21
        Replying to @SmalltimeJones @TheOnion

        Is "sweater meat" still acceptable?

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. Geppetto San Martín‏ @SmalltimeJones Aug 21
        Replying to @robbski300 @TheOnion

        No, today's verbiage is "Handsome Charlie and his life and business partner Glenn".

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Joe Lefebvre‏ @LefebvreJoe Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @1stwrldmomprblm

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. HP‏ @IsidoresDragon Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought this was supposed to be satire?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Tommy McPines‏ @TMcpines Aug 22
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Anywhere on screen or magazine

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Side-boob? Under-boob? Full-On? Or just a leer? Come-on, throw me a frickin’ bone here!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. AW‏ @AndrewWeeraratn Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Proper etiquette is to ask first

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Michael E. Blackberg‏ @MEBlackberg Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A gentle, yet firm grasp on the nipple, maximum 30 degree twis tis the only acceptable contact. If you overshoot, and graze the areola, you’d better grab a toothbrush and call your lawyer. Go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Alex Preiss‏ @AlexPreiss4 Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Asia Argento can explain it to them.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1.  🇻🇮 🇻🇮#notmypresident 🇩🇴 🇻🇮‏ @Ejaymd11 Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        LMAO

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Toyka Saxton‏ @FlirbnFli Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Just THAT SPOT, DUDES. LOL

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Mark Berry‏ @iThrud Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TitaniaMcGrath Not having read this, are they talking about you?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Fillmore W. Millbrook‏ @fwMillbrook Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Fillmore W. Millbrook Retweeted Stanford Business

        https://twitter.com/StanfordGSB/status/1030503224959107072 …

        Fillmore W. Millbrook added,

        Stanford BusinessVerified account @StanfordGSB
        Forge your career path with Stanford’s invaluable LGBTQ Executive Leadership Program.
        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. WSMCR‏ @WSMCR1 Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        In the days of the Old West and the Homestead Act days, you had unparalleled freedom to invest, profit and capitalize. Those days are back thanks to the Space Act and the promise of Space Mining:http://WSMCR.org 

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dexter Morgan‏ @DexterMorgan70 Aug 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        stop being a pervert and take a vow of celibacy.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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