Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Aug 20

    High School Nurse Getting Pretty Good At Spotting Morning Sickness https://trib.al/w74B2q6 pic.twitter.com/tVKH030OMk

    7:48 AM - 20 Aug 2018
    • 131 Retweets
    • 1,166 Likes
    • Jen Ess Ben Walker sophia mughal Kenneth Lusk manic-nomadic David Tweeter Deegan Jennifer D C CHELSEA NASCIMENTO
    12 replies 131 retweets 1,166 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Susan Kouba‏ @suzatzka Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Great, so schools are now a breeding ground. I do not think that this is an issue to be smiling about.

        3 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Brandon \/ /\‏ @Brandon_Bird33 Aug 20
        Replying to @suzatzka @TheOnion

        This person ate the onion

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Tristan Ketcham‏ @tristankrolltid Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/luFJQsstxJ

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Jennifer Purdes‏ @jmp740 Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Except that for any female between the ages of 15 and 50, all medical personnel believe you are pregnant at all times, no matter what you tell them. So, more irritating than funny.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Katzen‏ @Nekonokatzen Aug 20
        Replying to @jmp740 @TheOnion

        Real life experience: "I'm a lesbian." "We still need to run a pregnancy test." "Okay, look, even if I wasn't a lesbian, I haven't had sexual contact in two years." "We still need to run it." "But it's $40, and entirely not needed!" "We will not treat you until we run it."

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. Jennifer Purdes‏ @jmp740 Aug 20
        Replying to @Nekonokatzen @TheOnion

        Yeeeep

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. david davidson‏ @DavidDavidsonXX Aug 20
        Replying to @jmp740 @Nekonokatzen @TheOnion

        Quiz your Dr next time you are in, you probably have a condition or have had one in the past where treatment can be really harmful to a unborn child. A treatment for really low blood iron is one, a strong anti-inflamatory is another, they just want to triple check :)

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. Jennifer Purdes‏ @jmp740 Aug 20
        Replying to @DavidDavidsonXX @Nekonokatzen @TheOnion

        It’s called “being a woman.”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. JC‏ @FUCKTOHME Aug 20
        Replying to @MarioGebrael_ @TheOnion

        Lezim y7otto ma3a "High School Doctor Admits To Finding Pleasure In Touching Young Boys' Testicles"

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Alex Preiss‏ @AlexPreiss4 Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sarah Bromti should abstain from making any comments about my daughters, said Chubby Rambone Jr. the school superintendent.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Matt‏ @YetiMatt Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This was a pretty good one!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. destin loan‏ @destinloan Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Didn't know the Pope was in town

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Michael‏ @Ronsoco67 Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/QIy9GWF4hh

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. ivy‏ @flycat636 Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😳

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        All the high school guys are running scared!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. MAGA Sellout  🦄‏ @TheWilliamLogs Aug 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        She looks confident, so she must know what she's doing..

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info