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Hey! Don’t dis our queen Miss Piggy like this!
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@TheOnion Stop reporting the news please. I need satire.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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If she discloses information, the pearl necklace will shock her.
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Satire is dead when there's a 95% chance of it being accurate and true. Satire works when it's around the 45-49% mark. Also - Stop giving Trump ideas!
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Parody almost doesn't even work anymore
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Your headlines are getting far too realistic.
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"Sorry folks I guess there's no free press today."
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The country would be much better off if this were true. Silence is much better than the lies she usually responds with.
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this is just straight news
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Omg don’t give them ideas

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The look on your face when you find out it’s your turn to remove the dead hooker from Stephen Miller's apartment.
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Her NDA states that she cannot reveal the truth, so she’s okay.
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She is permitted only to repeat a given reporter’s question back to them, like a fast food drive- thru attendant. And give them curly fries...
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