Our official recommendation to experience optimal levels of majesty is 8 minutes 25 seconds of viewing the giant sequoia ... no more, no less.
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Get back to work using our tax dollars to destroy the environment.
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sometimes im trying so hard to appreciate sunsets but the thing just goes down too fast
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He wouldn't have to guess if he just stared longingly through his smartphone screen.
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he’s got the wrong pants on to appreciate that tree. wrong shoes, wrong haircut. wrong dude basically.
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Oh my god I think the entire onion is about me
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You’ll be hearing from my lawyer. But before we get to that: can you please recommend me a lawyer?
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This is a prime example of bureaucratic nonsense.
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pee on it
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Sometimes the dreaded existentialism of
@TheOnion gets to me. Everyday they try to be funny in their world view of pointlessness. But funny isn't valuable if everything is meaningless. The jester can't jump over the tightroper walker. Out out brief candle!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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He wants that D
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