Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Aug 8

    Report Finds Letting Stranger Bum Cigarette Sole Act Of Human Compassion Still In Practice https://trib.al/IKgRBSH pic.twitter.com/8SF1cKfHyP

    1:32 PM - 8 Aug 2018
    • 473 Retweets
    • 2,265 Likes
    • been known to chill Katerina Ri Greek Salad🌲 The Magnanimous ♀️Zog♀️ Chick-fil-A Nationalist Daniel Shaw🇺🇸 jmde🤮 Vince Harlan bitcoin trillionaire прикрой меня
    22 replies 473 retweets 2,265 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. The Ghost of Pip  💀 🎃‏ @pippanie Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion @annie3592

        @IgnatiusUnderh2

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. MechaBOOnaldMkV 🇻🇦 🐋‏ @IgnatiusUnderh2 Aug 8
        Replying to @pippanie @TheOnion @annie3592

        Never say no to this!

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Professor Freaksworth‏ @ProfFreaksworth Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Smokers are generally nicer, more sociable people than non-smokers. It's science.

        3 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. MaxwellDemonic‏ @MaxwellDemonic Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I once had a man thank me for like 2 minutes for giving him a cigarette... for context it was in Times Square before I knew cigarettes were $17 a pack.

        2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. Ho Chi Mane  🌹‏ @Farmercpmichael Aug 8
        Replying to @MaxwellDemonic @TheOnion

        Rube😉

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. MaxwellDemonic‏ @MaxwellDemonic Aug 9
        Replying to @Farmercpmichael @TheOnion

        A stupid, compassionate, sexy rube. 👍

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. Jess J. Behrens‏ @glibly_jjb Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I've skipped right over cigarettes and just carry Roundup weed killer with me. Much more effective, and hygenic, to inject the cancer directly into the blood stream than smoking.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. ₱ⱧØɆ₦łӾ ĐJ₳฿ⱤłłⱠ‏ @PhoenixDjabriil Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I dunno, smokes are expensive...

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. J Allen‏ @The_JJAllen Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I wouldn't call giving a stranger a highly addictive stick full of tar, insecticide, and other various poisons to a stranger an act of compassion. No, that sounds more like attempted murder.

        2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. End of conversation
      1. Jbd‏ @jbdridgebacks Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion @WhiteHorse497

        Well hell I might be an ok guy.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. James T‏ @Jamiesmellslike Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Assisted suicide

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Nicky‏ @ManicWest Aug 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @DougStanhope

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. (((William Funk)))‏ @wmfunk2848 Aug 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light? Gotta light?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. What!? Oh hell no, hold up, huh? oh ok‏ @giddieupbitches Aug 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        U bet. I also sometimes pay for the order behind me. Last time was chick fil a, it was 30 bucks!!! But i was committed. Probably the last i time i do that. Lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. nicholas dewelles‏ @nicholasdewell1 Aug 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What about the lady parts and there devices to damn up the red Sea each month. Never been In a ladies restroom. Well never been caught in the ladies restroom. But I hear those absorbtion devices of shame. Get freely shared to a woman whos hope for procreation is dripping down

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Emily‏ @EmilyMyDude Aug 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I vape now, screw all of you.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info