Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 30

    Burglar Makes Sure To Crack Glass On Family Portrait https://trib.al/0qpCflA pic.twitter.com/6bT7cVy8Hv

    7:36 PM - 30 Jul 2018
    • 583 Retweets
    • 5,076 Likes
    • Real Society Hours funk Nathan Patten lina Zach Withrow Devyn Mifsud nickelodeon jane lane Jenna Chase
    25 replies 583 retweets 5,076 likes
      1. FritzCast Podcast‏ @FritzQS Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        thank goodness, I would feel cheated if the house was ransacked but the family portrait remained untouched.

        0 replies 0 retweets 25 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Prince Techno‏ @Geek_Prince Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "I saw that the picture was still whole and well on the mantle and I went back and smashed it a bit, places it on the floor." Said the suspected burgular as he snuck away into the night wearing a black skull call and carrying a hefty black sack of items.

        0 replies 0 retweets 14 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. rpmjr‏ @rpmjrOM Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The screen on my phone is cracked and this shit ain’t funny.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Robby S‏ @thegreenrobby Jul 30
        Replying to @rpmjrOM @TheOnion

        Maybe you should have invested in a security system? This neighborhood isn't exactly the friendliest.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Timothy Breen‏ @metalmancave Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area Newspaper reporter makes sure to label Day time burglary as “Brazen”.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Dana Timmons‏ @dana_timmons Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This Families Lives Are Shattered.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bill Parks‏ @HemiBParks Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The sign of a true professional

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Meridith C.‏ @MCarsella Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The classic sign of a true burglary! Lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Matt Bross‏ @matthew_bross Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What a jerk. Thoughts and prayers.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chuck Allard‏ @cbisquits Aug 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/uwUoocxoBV

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tommy McPines‏ @TMcpines Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The picture frame felon strikes again

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Honey, I told you your mother never liked me! So YOU tell her to return those casserole dishes she stole right away!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. boingboingbbeep‏ @boingboingbbeep Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        How dare they enjoy life when I have so little!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. PGH_GAL‏ @PGH_GAL Jul 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That’s sick (even as a joke).

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Driving Brian‏ @muticere Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's those extra touches I appreciate in a burglar.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. SEJFBVFG WEIRVWE FJVBCMMWERO‏ @Zafaryabism Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh, my god!! 😭😭😭😭

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Free George Tonks  🇺🇸‏ @FreeGeorgeTonks Jul 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Free George Tonks  🇺🇸 Retweeted Impeach Judge Linda R. Reade  🇺🇸

        https://twitter.com/ImpeachReade/status/1015041970329325569 …

        Free George Tonks  🇺🇸 added,

        Impeach Judge Linda R. Reade  🇺🇸 @ImpeachReade
        #BREAKING: Former FBI Director James Comey @Comey & US Attorney @PreetBharara ordererd the Southern District to permanently seal all documents regarding the drugging & sexual assault against #GeorgeTonks. Below are documents that were leaked. EVERYONE MUST READ NOW & RETWEET: pic.twitter.com/zrEgczg4VQ
        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info