Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 28

    Minotaur Wondering If There More To Life Than Bashing In Heads Of Those Who Dare Wander Into Labyrinth https://trib.al/cDZGAlw pic.twitter.com/XdOZNl0Hht

    7:40 AM - 28 Jul 2018
    • 1,814 Retweets
    • 9,791 Likes
    • Enovaze Mike Mozart Bobby Albert Nadine| T E A M. B A D I N E Leandro S M. Vandamn 猫の母 Isengrim
    83 replies 1,814 retweets 9,791 likes
      1. David Hawley‏ @DavidHawley2 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Make little side tables from the bone fragments and sell them on Etsy.

        0 replies 0 retweets 43 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. a tired skeleton‏ @KyleCantTalk Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There's a Jorge Louis Borges story that's a non comedy version of this

        2 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      3. a tired skeleton‏ @KyleCantTalk Jul 28
        Replying to @KyleCantTalk @TheOnion

        It's called "the house of asterion" but I p much already spoiled it by saying what it's about lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. David Campbell‏ @texapplawyer Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Five thousand years out of the Labyrinth that held him captive, and as many years beyond the dubious bargain that set him free, the Minotaur finds himself struggling to negotiate the American South with the body of a man and the head of a bull." https://www.amazon.com/Minotaur-Takes-Cigarette-Break/dp/0895871971 …pic.twitter.com/4VNwmF8q2E

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. John Wallace‏ @JohnWal47517530 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Minotaur only pawn...in game of life."

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Helen Forte‏ @minimus_latin Jul 29
        Replying to @TheOnion @rogueclassicist

        Wondering how he’s supposed to gnaw his victims with his cow teeth, and trying to work out if he has one stomach or four.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Be Good  🦄 Have Fun  🦄 Launch Nazis Into The Sun‏ @XydexxUnicorn Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion @raveyote

        There's always Anthrocon. -:)

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. nick spanolios‏ @nick_spanolios Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You could do pottery

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Reanimated_Roadkill‏ @SueDeer2 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Prom?

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Isabel‏ @PishuAChto Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Me too, buddy, me too...

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Patrick O Brien‏ @padderob90 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @Paud204

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Probe Records‏ @ProbeRecords Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aeD3-sdGf1c …

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bobby Mondello‏ @bobby_mondello Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/0XnjytcHfg

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. sandy larson‏ @sbarker48 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        No there really isn’t

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Ingvald Akbar‏ @ingvald29 Jul 29
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Meh. It’s a living.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. SpectacledSnotRat‏ @CatBreading4Evr Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There isn't. Focus on your work.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Lee Takamiya‏ @leet793 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Short answer:no. Long answer:nooooooooo.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info