Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 26

    House Conservatives Introduce Resolution To Impale Rod Rosenstein https://trib.al/7uZG2v1 pic.twitter.com/xqXyg3SSxc

    12:54 PM - 26 Jul 2018
    • 301 Retweets
    • 1,303 Likes
    • Isaac Gemal Happy McBeal Thomas Oren OneMoonCircles Mark Remy Sak3 Robbie The Bowling Alley Megan Dccobra
    29 replies 301 retweets 1,303 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Alex Reynolds‏ @AlexReynolds Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Stakes are high

        1 reply 0 retweets 14 likes
      3. Sue and the Pugs‏ @pgpug Jul 26
        Replying to @AlexReynolds @TheOnion

        Sharp wit

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Drawnder and Writening  🇵🇷‏ @Drawnder Jul 26
        Replying to @pgpug @AlexReynolds @TheOnion

        Don't poke fun at this.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      5. Sue and the Pugs‏ @pgpug Jul 26
        Replying to @Drawnder @AlexReynolds @TheOnion

        I guess we should stick to the story

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Alex Reynolds‏ @AlexReynolds Jul 26
        Replying to @pgpug @Drawnder @TheOnion

        It's a matter of knife and death

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      7. Drawnder and Writening  🇵🇷‏ @Drawnder Jul 26
        Replying to @AlexReynolds @pgpug @TheOnion

        They'll get him in the end but he'll make it through.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      8. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Aaron Fritschner‏ @Fritschner Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Amazing photoshop of Jim Jordan wearing a jacket @JJordansJacket

        1 reply 1 retweet 10 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. DeafMinds  🆖‏ @DeafMindz Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Im so sick of my taxpayer money going towards shenanigans like this. He's not even impaled right, the pole is supposed to come out his mouth. American's are funding this crap and it's not even being done right.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Katzen‏ @Nekonokatzen Jul 27
        Replying to @DeafMindz @TheOnion

        Hey, I'm a taxpayer too, and this is how I prefer my government to impale people.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. JoAnn Cubberly‏ @joann_cubberly Jul 27
        Replying to @TheOnion @fredric_wertham

        Holy f*ck. I KNEW the Onion could keep up!!

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. (((Wertham)))‏ @fredric_wertham Jul 27
        Replying to @joann_cubberly @TheOnion

        The one about rising sea level is slightly more subversive (?)😏

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. JoAnn Cubberly‏ @joann_cubberly Jul 27
        Replying to @fredric_wertham @TheOnion

        😢

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. Moviescribe‏ @Moviescribe Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        House Conservatives Introduce Resolution To Sexually Abuse Male Pages While Rep. Jim Jordan Watches But Says Nothing

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Joe Ivey‏ @BKDMER Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought he changed his name to "Gym"

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Burt Macklin‏ @knoweyedentity Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/b8EV7AZqC6

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. archie alegre‏ @balanced123 Jul 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I feel crucify would be closer, considering this the religious right? He went up on the cross for their sins?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Crafty Boomer Luring You Into A Tweet Wasteland‏ @diversity_guru Jul 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        yes, please

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Shooter  🏌🏻‍♂️ McGavin‏ @takethathappy Jul 27
        Replying to @TheOnion @AndrewQuackson

        He’s the first to go of many

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. russmckay‏ @russmckay Jul 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He's looking a bit pale already!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info