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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 25

    Starbucks Unveils $7 Wake-Up Slap https://trib.al/GSTfwuU pic.twitter.com/OnAGvRVfUE

    7:26 AM - 25 Jul 2018
    • 3,457 Retweets
    • 13,893 Likes
    • PremierTies.com Kat a ˢ ᴾ ᵒ ᴼ ᵏ ʸ mess 🎃 Henry . Spook Lee what's up with swarley fitri_(フイトリです) :3 J
    174 replies 3,457 retweets 13,893 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Allen G. Breed‏Verified account @AllenGBreed Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A slappuccino?

        5 replies 16 retweets 309 likes
      3. Kathy‏ @kashmoneykathh Jul 25
        Replying to @AllenGBreed @TheOnion

        You gotta quote that to get some serious buzz bro that was legendary

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      4. Allen G. Breed‏Verified account @AllenGBreed Jul 25
        Replying to @kashmoneykathh @TheOnion

        Thanks. But I'm not very good at self-promotion.

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      5. Kathy‏ @kashmoneykathh Jul 25
        Replying to @AllenGBreed @TheOnion

        Don’t sell yourself short my guy

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jessica Nightmare‏ @JesskaNightmare Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        As a former Starbucks barista, I'd pay to do the slapping.

        5 replies 1 retweet 85 likes
      3.  🎃Hollow Toni 🎃‏ @ToniQueene Jul 25
        Replying to @JesskaNightmare @TheOnion

        "For an extra 50 cents, I'll leave all my rings on."

        0 replies 1 retweet 51 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Nathan Markham‏ @natron1981 Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm willing to do this work pro-bono. Meet me at Civic Center Park to get yours. #slap #coldbloodedpic.twitter.com/AlrtF0JSBv

        0 replies 3 retweets 29 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. New conversation
      2. (((Kurt Weldon)))‏ @KurtWeldon Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion @MrJonCryer

        Is it gluten-free?

        2 replies 0 retweets 34 likes
      3. Haley Abercrombie‏ @HaleyAbercromb1 Jul 25
        Replying to @KurtWeldon @TheOnion @MrJonCryer

        It’s gluten -free but not vegan 🤷🏻‍♀️

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      4. Anthony Au‏ @derpyanthony16 Jul 25
        Replying to @HaleyAbercromb1 @KurtWeldon and

        Is it an organically sourced, non-GMO, fair trade slap, only produced from the far reaches of the Himalayan peaks?

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jess J. Behrens‏ @glibly_jjb Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not wanting to be out done, Dunkin releases the morning gut punch, which is just the slap but with brass knuckles and to the gut.

        2 replies 0 retweets 17 likes
      3. ArtDesignMusic‏ @Wonderwoman1fan Jul 25
        Replying to @glibly_jjb @TheOnion

        East coast style.....yeahhhhhh🤘

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Matt Deal‏ @Real_Deal71 Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/BeBufhVz6f

        0 replies 1 retweet 13 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Tobias Lemke‏ @LTobis Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Venti slap uses both hands

        1 reply 1 retweet 16 likes
      3. Katie 'Boo-clear Power 🎃 ⚛ 👻' Mummah‏ @nuclearkatie Jul 26
        Replying to @LTobis @TheOnion

        Trenta is just a punch that knocks you out

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Tobias Lemke‏ @LTobis Jul 26
        Replying to @nuclearkatie @TheOnion

        Yup and they are all equally over-priced ✋

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. Michael Baker‏ @Mikeypb66 Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Can I pay it forward??

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
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      1. Robertsyson‏ @Sysonator Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @StarbucksUK i'd actually appreciate this, can i get a daily order along with the following phrase (yelled at me), "sort your life out, Man!"....

        0 replies 1 retweet 7 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. scooby doo: the anime‏ @pnkrathian Jul 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        as an actual barista i say please make this a reality

        1 reply 0 retweets 22 likes
      3. Vote Nov 6, yeah they sent us donuts‏ @BobSmith4152 Jul 25
        Replying to @pnkrathian @TheOnion

        I'm sure the volunteers are legion

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. 1 more reply

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