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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 24

    Index Finger Rips Into Toilet Paper Package Like Velociraptor Claw https://trib.al/JOil5Ji pic.twitter.com/PrVjjZ5NTb

    11:15 AM - 24 Jul 2018
    • 1,393 Retweets
    • 8,536 Likes
    • Adrian History Print Films court (V)nemoni)(s - PI LeL banana 🎃 Radium 🎃 Bran Justa djimmi
    38 replies 1,393 retweets 8,536 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Black Adder‏ @BlackAdder000 Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I use my thumb. More penetrating power.

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. th3 j0ff‏ @Joffoffle Jul 24
        Replying to @BlackAdder000 @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/m5O9wStA0Q

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. julioD‏ @teebodiesel Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A friend of mine was carrying a multipack home along with his groceries. He didn't know there was a hole in the bag leaving a trail of toilet rolls all the way to his house. A good Samaritan picked them up and left them in a stack outside his front door!

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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      1. Steven D‏ @Stevessvt Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Spared no expense.

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
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      1. Ben S.‏ @HunterZ0 Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I think the bigger headline here is that toilet paper packs seem to be optimized for being opened by velociraptors.

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Owen Luke‏ @DurbanDeglazed Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        True Story

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Timothy Solomon  🇿🇦‏ @TimoSolo Jul 24
        Replying to @DurbanDeglazed @TheOnion

        Conclusive proof that we evolved from dinosaurs 😁

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. matty j‏ @mattdjohnson Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        CC @McMillansays

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. John McMillan‏ @McMillansays Jul 24
        Replying to @mattdjohnson @TheOnion

        It’s true. I’ve done it

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. matty j‏ @mattdjohnson Jul 24
        Replying to @McMillansays @TheOnion

        Does your family hunt toilet paper in packs though?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. John McMillan‏ @McMillansays Jul 24
        Replying to @mattdjohnson @TheOnion

        Only at @Costco

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. matty j‏ @mattdjohnson Jul 24
        Replying to @McMillansays @TheOnion @Costco

        Please add that to future @Snapchat #Content

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. End of conversation
      1. Scott‏ @scottk1350 Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Jurassic Pack.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. estee tabernac‏ @esteetabernac Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        How else can you transport them from the trunk to inside the house?

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. ELLA. 🌟‏ @Muhhnuella Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂pic.twitter.com/hFyQLDsG8c

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Josh Wayne‏ @AzShootinStar Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Is there another way?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Steve‏ @Duckbills4all Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I do this every time, regardless of size or brand. The package will be clawed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Crayoh‏ @crayoh Jul 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        How did you know?! Are you spying on me?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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