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The Onion
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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 16

    Amazon Completes New Suspension Tank To House Psychic Beings Who Foresee Customers’ Future Orders https://trib.al/NsOejH0 pic.twitter.com/QXX67sYf2C

    5:35 PM - 16 Jul 2018
    • 425 Retweets
    • 2,329 Likes
    • AI PLOW Cai Thomas Andrew Wiese Zamo Riffman izzy🧜🏽‍♀️ DaZombinatrixx💀VOTE!🗳 Nitin Murthy Tash FJ Newman
    39 replies 425 retweets 2,329 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Josh Johnson‏ @JoshtheSandwich Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I for one approve this new Pre-cog Amazon.

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      3. Josh Johnson‏ @JoshtheSandwich Jul 16
        Replying to @JoshtheSandwich @TheOnion

        live look at amazon employee going through my previous purchasespic.twitter.com/VVNtUBQjOi

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. Skeletaylor‏ @taylorfilipe Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Prime-Cogs

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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      1. Tombogenesis‏ @FlashTheGap Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        RED BALL! IMPULSE BUY! NO BREAKS FOR ANYONE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, FILL THE ORDER!

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Kevin‏ @HeyGeek Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion @michcoll

        on the plus side these employees can just pee right into the tank without taking a break.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Discernible Tuna‏ @Kypjo8 Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Jeff Bezos later finds out that he too will have a future order, so he must kidnap the strongest of the psychics, Alexa, to help him empty his shopping cart.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
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      1. TEXAS 🇺🇸 🚀 🌚‏ @Troy75801 Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Finally! I've been psychically willing them to do this for awhile now.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. ProcrastinationPartners‏ @ProcrastPartner Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Finally. What took so long?!?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Leslie Whicher‏ @patinaandcompan Jul 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        LOLOL crying.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. St. Jennifer-of-the-Knife‏ @BeltwayPsychic Jul 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sending my resume to #Amazon now!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Just Paul‏ @S1R1USme Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Dear @AmazonUK! Where is my Phillip K Dicks anthology I haven't ordered yet???

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. kosy‏ @Red_Astronaut Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Lol white ppl be wilding

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Catherine Jones‏ @HiFalutinWays Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Just try, Amazon. My mind is like a fortress.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Birches call me Big Poplar‏ @Willat813it Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You guys are the best the onion!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. danglezbenderz‏ @CrescentEagle Jul 16
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I mean if you think the of the beings as liquid cooled supercomputers that runs predictive algorithms. Then is just factual

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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