Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    1. The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 16

      GOP Leaders Move Goalposts On Opposing Trump To Him Being Filmed Masturbating On U.S. Flag In Arlington Cemetery https://trib.al/XNu520N pic.twitter.com/mhMmeBXt7X

      134 replies 2,637 retweets 8,427 likes
      Show this thread
      The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 16

      .@SenateMajLdr: "After today’s attack on U.S. intelligence agencies, we have officially moved our line in the sand to President Trump being caught on video, vigorously pleasuring himself to completion amid the graves of fallen U.S. soldiers."https://trib.al/XNu520N 

      4:46 PM - 16 Jul 2018
      • 630 Retweets
      • 2,298 Likes
      • Rhett Mohwinkel Traruh Synred b z Harrison 'Overly obsessed with Presidents' Brown Mary-Lou Williams Meg Dying Breed Gal Capone 'Robert Denby'
      52 replies 630 retweets 2,298 likes
        1. The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 16

          .@SenateMajLdr: "Unless we see clear footage of President Trump looking into the camera, his face twisting in pleasure as he climaxes, we will refrain from taking any concrete measures to reel him in.”https://trib.al/XNu520N 

          31 replies 280 retweets 1,124 likes
          Show this thread
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. ProcrastinationPartners‏ @ProcrastPartner Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          Nope. Too easy to spin positively: “Flags let you do that when you’re the President. What can I say, I love the flag.”pic.twitter.com/K0ZgtzyY1W

          0 replies 2 retweets 6 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. New conversation
        2. earthmotherpriestess‏ @EM_Priestess Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          They’d just say he loves America so much he has to show it.

          1 reply 1 retweet 1 like
        3. Dennis Walter‏ @DennisWalter15 Jul 16
          Replying to @EM_Priestess @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          pic.twitter.com/EKdUCmN4pY

          0 replies 1 retweet 3 likes
        4. End of conversation
        1. Authentic Don Holley™‏ @donholley0 Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          {Trump's 1941 State of the Union} "Hitler is not such a bad guy! Look, there is plenty of blame on all sides! Let's be friends with Hitler and advance peace that way! Also Japan! Pearl Harbor was not nice, but you have to see it from Japan's side! We have not been nice to them!

          0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Demonic Dana  👻 🎃 💀‏ @PopCultScribe Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion

          pic.twitter.com/GKOzGIWK04

          0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Wicked Witch Central‏ @skohayes Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion

          And I was worried that the Onion couldn't top reality in the Age Of Trump, and once again, they proved me wrong. Bravo!pic.twitter.com/q3zBfs2qx8

          0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Who What Why?‏ @WhoWhatWhyCast Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          To be fair, the real McConnell would move the goalposts again if this headline came true.

          0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. New conversation
        2. Craig Rosenberg‏ @rosnberg Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          You'd need the Hubble Telescope to see him do it

          1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
        3. 1 more reply
        1. sharks — we vote in 13 days‏ @Sharks2K20 Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          We now have video evidence of a Trump-Putin conspiracy against America #TreasonSummit #HelsinkiHumiliatinpic.twitter.com/LmsiUaW4gt

          0 replies 2 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. jasonreid‏ @camosquid Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          A little too accurate

          0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Matthew Quirk‏ @MattOfQuirk Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @edroso @senatemajldr

          With The Onion's knack for predicting future events, this one makes me really nervous.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Tariq Moustapha‏ @TheTariqM Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          Tomorrow - ”Trump has simply demonstrated how much he loves our flag and our fallen servicemen. Clearly liberals don't love America enough to cum on it.”

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. The Mehtropolitan‏ @TheMehtro Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          Hey remember when these headlines were jokes....

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. DavidGierman☭ 🌹‏ @DavidGierman Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @Sharks2K20 @senatemajldr

          Trump somewhere: "Hold my beer"

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Leah Pipes‏Verified account @leahmariepipes Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @PaulTelfer @senatemajldr

          *cue video*

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Freddie_Eff‏ @Freddie_Eff Jul 16
          Replying to @TheOnion @senatemajldr

          Sadly the possibility of this being a true statement from McConnell is stunning.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo

      Loading seems to be taking a while.

      Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

        Promoted Tweet

        false

        • © 2018 Twitter
        • About
        • Help Center
        • Terms
        • Privacy policy
        • Cookies
        • Ads info