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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 11

    Good Scissors Not In The Fucking Drawer https://trib.al/ZwtFISj pic.twitter.com/KgeHZIN0Z7

    11:36 AM - 11 Jul 2018
    • 745 Retweets
    • 5,144 Likes
    • Becca Marcus Rory Goodness Gracious Christina Corso Sarah Gifted Arrow Tony n🎃body Casey Duncan
    60 replies 745 retweets 5,144 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Paul Risley‏ @pauldrisley Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And where are the double A batteries?

        1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
      3. Art Schnurple‏ @ArtSchnurple Jul 11
        Replying to @pauldrisley @TheOnion

        There's every single kind in here except AA. Why the hell do we have four packages of D cells?

        2 replies 0 retweets 24 likes
      4. ArtDesignMusic‏ @Wonderwoman1fan Jul 11
        Replying to @ArtSchnurple @pauldrisley @TheOnion

        Oh they were for that old boom box we used to have that took like, twenty at a time😂 we still have leftovers

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Skeptic‏ @abqralph Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At least they were good, when I bought them 35 years ago.

        1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
      3. Lexington‏ @Lexington2520 Jul 11
        Replying to @abqralph @TheOnion

        You bought yours? People buy scissors? I still use the ones I was given in high school

        2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. Knoxx‏ @KnoxxsG0ld Jul 11
        Replying to @Lexington2520 @abqralph @TheOnion

        Honestly, scissors just keep appearing in my house. I have no memory of ever getting them, they're just here.

        3 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      5. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Kyle Williams‏ @KyleJW7515 Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Are the bad scissors in there at least?

        1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
      3. Art Schnurple‏ @ArtSchnurple Jul 11
        Replying to @KyleJW7515 @TheOnion

        No.

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Paul‏ @FleeTheDoos Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Prolly hiding under the 15 year old deck of cards that is short about 4 cards. Beside the scotch tape that you can't find the beginning of the roll. You don't use it but keep just in case.

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. Blue Chair‏ @blue_chair13 Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's like you traveled into my childhood and met my dad to write this headline

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Krammer Shelton‏ @kshel333 Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Why is http://F.CK  necessary to describe ANYTHING ?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Rich Bernecki‏ @SweetGlaze615 Jul 11
        Replying to @kshel333 @TheOnion

        Why would you put salt or spices in your food?

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Art Schnurple‏ @ArtSchnurple Jul 11
        Replying to @SweetGlaze615 @kshel333 @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/npOGHKTvEK

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Krammer Shelton‏ @kshel333 Jul 11
        Replying to @ArtSchnurple @SweetGlaze615 @TheOnion

        Old George is the best of telling like it is...miss him much...

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. jana goldman‏ @PressHereJG Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        We call ours the *junk drawer*

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. lindalee‏ @eeladnil Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yaaas....there’s a special place in hell for those who disturb the scissor placement...

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Space Force Panda‏ @TrashPandaFTW Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        you've got elmers, a plastic fork and chopsticks... I'm pretty sure MacGyver could make the best scissors ever out of that

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. ArtDesignMusic‏ @Wonderwoman1fan Jul 11
        Replying to @TrashPandaFTW @TheOnion

        Oh here they are!! Right next to this duck sauce packet and OMG....is that a packet of Sweet N' Low I see??😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2.  🚫 👖 👨🏼‏ @nopantsgomez Jul 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @_patrickhunter_ these are the articles I live for.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Patrick Hunter‏ @_patrickhunter_ Jul 11
        Replying to @nopantsgomez @TheOnion

        These are articles that are honestly who I am as a person.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation

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