Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 10

    Breaking: 9 Sneezes In A Fucking Rowpic.twitter.com/bRX3UsIL1m

    9:27 AM - 10 Jul 2018
    • 666 Retweets
    • 2,924 Likes
    • John Sears Provee LIL KEV FROM 107TH 🇬🇬Mic Actual🇬🇬 aka Lil Subtweet Zia Paul Marty Mitchell Netting Devon Ethington FiveDiabeticYordles jerrysimmons2
    94 replies 666 retweets 2,924 likes
      1. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Here’s one for my Onion Fam ... Area Mom: texts son while driving to remind him texting while driving is dangerous

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Arcia 🧙‍♀️aicrA‏ @MajorArcia Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Lol, I got her beat - I've gotten to the teens for sneezes in a row!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. ْ‏ @ahmedmudkip Jul 10
        Replying to @MajorArcia @TheOnion

        Hey same

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Arcia 🧙‍♀️aicrA‏ @MajorArcia Jul 10
        Replying to @ahmedmudkip @TheOnion

        Haha, nice to meet you, fellow Olympic Sneezer 😊

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Shirly Moose‏ @shirlymoose Jul 10
        Replying to @MajorArcia @ahmedmudkip @TheOnion

        My record is 17

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Arcia 🧙‍♀️aicrA‏ @MajorArcia Jul 10
        Replying to @shirlymoose @ahmedmudkip @TheOnion

        That's quite a few! I'd have to consult with my hubby, the record keeper, but I want to say I've touched up to 20... I could be wrong though. Solid into the teens, hands down :)

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Topher McCulloch‏ @tophrrrr Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hey. Hey. Hey @NattyYounger.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Young Nasty‏ @NattyYounger Jul 10
        Replying to @tophrrrr @TheOnion

        V upset I wasn't brought in for this audition

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Young Nasty‏ @NattyYounger Jul 11
        Replying to @NattyYounger @tophrrrr @TheOnion

        But also, who needs 9 sneezes when you can get it all out in one, earth shattering scream sneeze?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Topher McCulloch‏ @tophrrrr Jul 11
        Replying to @NattyYounger @TheOnion

        True, I really should’ve tagged @MathTeam instead who’s the queen of long strings of sneezes

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. Jon Matteson‏ @JonMatteson Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hey @Racheldoesstuff is this you? Hilarious!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Michael Byars‏ @KCURMichael Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area elbow drowning in sneeze goop.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Scott Foul-banks  👻 🎃‏ @Sxottlan Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Alright uptight coworkers, then YOU can pluck out my sensitive nose hairs yourselves. Here's the tweezers. Get plucking.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Jake Clapp‏ @Jake_Clapp Jul 10
        Replying to @Sxottlan @TheOnion

        I was about say these are some judgmental asshats

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. tamikonelf‏ @tamikonelf Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        sneezing is sexist and racist lets never forget this

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. funn meme funy‏ @DerpyThumbUp Jul 10
        Replying to @tamikonelf @TheOnion

        HAHA EPIC ISEE WHAT YOU DID THERE HAHA LIB TARDS REKT EPIC STYLE 😂😂😂😂😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Michael E. Blackberg‏ @MEBlackberg Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I know what you’re thinking...did I sneeze 8 times or only 9?...in all the excitement, I kinda lost track myself...I have the most powerful nose in the world. You’ve gotta ask yourself just one question: “do I feel lucky?”. Well, do ya, punk?

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Karen RK 🥨 💖 ❤️ 🖤 💗‏ @LoneStarmadillo Jul 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        If I’m not mistaken I believe @Racheldoesstuff wrote for The Onion for a period of time. Could this be one of those files? I say yes.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Fans  🥨‏ @bunch_of_fans Jul 10
        Replying to @LoneStarmadillo @TheOnion @Racheldoesstuff

        No, it’s actually @canigetaHANDler

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Karen RK 🥨 💖 ❤️ 🖤 💗‏ @LoneStarmadillo Jul 11
        Replying to @bunch_of_fans @TheOnion and

        😳 well now I’m embarrassed. I went back and forth on his one..was kinda wondering how I hadn’t seen this before if it was her. I thought maybe it was something from a while back. I thought she had admitted some stuff to the Onion and this might have been something from that. TY!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info