Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 5

    Whitewater Rafting Trip In Which Friend Drowned Still Pretty Fun https://trib.al/FErxqWs pic.twitter.com/UVQmtaPtXq

    3:35 PM - 5 Jul 2018
    • 244 Retweets
    • 1,932 Likes
    • halloween spooky nelson Mohammad AlAdham Ya boi Bobby Gogobr8 Jim Halpert Jaden Tran Yoko Homo 🎉Sean🎉
    24 replies 244 retweets 1,932 likes
      1. Danny‏ @Danstehname Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/58Q65qCEVB

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Connor Temme‏ @Connor_Temme19 Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @zackolson33 @brentrabas1 @salzgeber4 @leonardjoey00 @samsawD us if anyone ever died on our canoe trips

        2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Soop Munkey‏ @soopmunkey Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “We learned something about ourselves and our capabilities. As did Dave...”

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. haunted house dj‏ @teenagegothgirl Jul 5
        Replying to @fatcatnick1 @TheOnion

        Do you think if I link my dad he'll think it's funny or think I'm offputting?

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Spoopy Spaceman 🌑‏ @logskeptic Jul 5
        Replying to @teenagegothgirl @fatcatnick1 @TheOnion

        Only if it was your brother. If it was his work pal enh.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. sladl‏ @SteveSladl Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Apart from that, mrs Lincoln loved the play

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Sam Palasota‏ @SamPalasota Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Daryl would of wanted us to keep rafting. He was that kind of guy."

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chazbo‏ @camelcitychef Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Dibs on his vibrams when he resurfaces

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Nora Sullivan‏ @noras0715 Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not funny

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. UBI &  ❤️ly b&B‏ @fair_dividend Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        8-() I think I'll stay home and reassert what friendship means

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. nate‏ @_notoriousnate_ Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @allicalli123

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        After a while friend will become a float

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jon Kramer‏ @jonathan_kramer Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        With the right friends, this is a feature, not a bug.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Alon Nir‏ @alon111 Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Lols

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. David Hawley‏ @DavidHawley2 Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Is he the one laying down?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Caitlin DiMartino‏ @cait_dimartino Jul 5
        Replying to @Kyle_A_Petit @TheOnion

        So nice

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info