Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jul 4

    Nation’s Dogs Vow To Keep Their Shit Together During 4th Of July Fireworks https://trib.al/laE3hNP pic.twitter.com/XNnPVGrF4d

    12:30 PM - 4 Jul 2018
    • 667 Retweets
    • 2,708 Likes
    • Y🎃ss•I should watch more scary movies dnice swedes ⚕  ᑕᕼᖇIS  ⚕ Tiny Sweet T ☕🌊🇺🇸 Miller Boyd L 🍒 PABLO Penilia
    35 replies 667 retweets 2,708 likes
      1. Abigail‏ @AbaLicious87 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion @tomservo10

        He says this every year but continues to his lose his shit after the first boompic.twitter.com/bNYwLnFgvD

        0 replies 1 retweet 8 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mike Thompson‏ @mthompsoncbus Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sadie will. She’s very hard of hearing.pic.twitter.com/ddl3wuuedI

        0 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Authentic Don Holley™‏ @donholley0 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/GAdCyKrsdw

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Michael Knight  🌎‏ @thatmjk Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Didn’t keep her vow.pic.twitter.com/zkhDT58kUV

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Christien Murawski‏ @dingus_X Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They Forget That Vow Two Minutes Later.

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Real Fake News‏ @RealFakeNew Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My dog: “hold my beer”

        0 replies 1 retweet 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Rob Major‏ @RobMajor4 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Every year we vow to keep our shit together, and every year, we totally lose our shit when the fireworks start. This year will be no different.pic.twitter.com/8tefjPwq99

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Alex P‏ @alexpsvca Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @CP_PC_CP maybe with a little help from some “friends?”

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. I like to smize.‏ @LikeSmize Jul 4
        Replying to @alexpsvca @TheOnion

        I like to smize. Retweeted Kathy Bloody Gori

        😂 seriously though they’re working!! Get these if you’re pup having that kind of week. Also for @dog_rateshttps://twitter.com/kathygori/status/997284874900787200?s=21 …

        I like to smize. added,

        Kathy Bloody GoriVerified account @kathygori
        Replying to @estherjcepeda
        We’ve used Treatables which are CBD hemp dog cookies from pet food express... she had some anxiety issues with hammering going on in the house .. worked like a charm . Hope the puppy is doing better pic.twitter.com/097S0r6T1E
        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. destin loan‏ @destinloan Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I KNEW you were going to tweet this today

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  🇺🇸Happy Trumper 🇺🇸  ⭐ ⭐ ⭐‏ @KreJennifer Aug 25
        Replying to @TheOnion @RealEliCohen

        Hilarious!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Endora‏ @Laura05024965 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion @Demonpuppy

        My dog broke his vow. He is currently hiding in the bathtub...and he hates the bathtub.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andrew‏ @afmurphy21 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion @BrianStack153

        Lol. Not in my house

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kane  🕷‏ @kaneurysm Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @kepsalt

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Carlos Balazs‏ @SSzalab_3712 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Today, Jordy will take that vow. He sleeps through thunderstorms like they arent even there.pic.twitter.com/3hx9QqoSKB

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Socialnn Opinion‏ @SocialnnOpinion Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hahaha! My puppy didn’t get the memo, she skipped her potty break all together 😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jimmy‏ @Vote_Nov_6 Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not mine

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Scruffle McDufflebag‏ @Omnistic Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That third one will for sure not keep it's shit together. Look at it, just look at it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Vashiv A Dhoonmoon⚬‏ @ADhoonmoon Jul 4
        Replying to @TheOnion @DavidAmoyal

        Anything on Sandro bro? Thanks

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Shannon Wold‏ @Maggienickson Jul 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My dogs opted out of keeping their shit together and, collectively, lost it all...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info