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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 26

    Report: Decision To Read This Headline Has Erased Future Daughter ‘Emily’ In All Possible Timelines https://trib.al/uVNbrBN pic.twitter.com/f6XsBFx6Uh

    10:33 AM - 26 Jun 2018
    • 233 Retweets
    • 1,132 Likes
    • Heathcliff bren 🏳️‍🌈🇲🇽 BINΔЯYⱣIⱣΞ Lem Brett lenjamin 💛💟💜🖤 Baconrug drunkin Casey Biggerman
    31 replies 233 retweets 1,132 likes
      1. Composer_V2‏ @NaMen05609374 Jun 26
        Replying to @PeeYourPant @TheOnion

        Was*

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. New conversation
      2. Andrew Nguyen‏ @andrewmnguyen Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        the man in black reads this and shrugs

        1 reply 0 retweets 20 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. David Hawley‏ @DavidHawley2 Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But she was going to be my favourite!

        0 replies 1 retweet 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1.  💀 Waterworks Studio  🎃‏ @Wattre855 Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I read the article and now I have to deal with my failure future son Mark. thanks a lot, onion.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Like Mombardo‏ @melombar Jun 27
        Replying to @TheOnion @markstanczak

        It was worth reading through to the end.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Mark Stanczak‏ @markstanczak Jun 27
        Replying to @melombar @TheOnion

        My memory is hazy at this point but pretty sure the referenced study is a reprint from original work done in the late 70s/early 80s. My parents talked about this at the dinner table when I was younger.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Crow‏ @Wolfram1045 Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Damnit Barry

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Danté 3000‏ @dantespez Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/yHflGwCiXW

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Darth Ramious‏ @darthramious Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I wasn't all that attached ti Emily anyway

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. A series of characters‏ @Afford_the_Hart Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But one of those timelines is the "Opposite day" version of this one, meaning that I no longer have a choice but to have a daughter named 'Emily' in every iteration of my life. I don't want kids... thanks...

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2.  🌲 🎃‏ @_innawoodz Jun 26
        Replying to @dabstoriches @TheOnion

        wow drumpf supporters will never recover pat yourself on the back bro, job well done

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. End of conversation
      1. Perry Smith‏ @puckemBucky Jun 28
        Replying to @TheOnion @emilythetobin

        Ha ha!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Keonyn‏ @Keonyn Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Nooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. F‏ @pointy_beek Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Why was she then not also erased from my heart? Sweet Emily, girlchild-smell on a ragdoll in a thrift store. In a dream.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. John Beaton‏ @JohnWBeaton Jun 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/0WB4TCo46q

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Jacob Lysinger‏ @jacoblysinger Jun 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Shoot now I'll have to name my child Edith!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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