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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 20

    Newborn Loses Faith In Humanity After Record 6 Days https://trib.al/IasdJa5 pic.twitter.com/ODPhv5JbmD

    6:53 AM - 20 Jun 2018
    • 5,709 Retweets
    • 23,524 Likes
    • Mason Ripple ontari Paul Jargowsky евгений михайлов Woah Liz Jessica Lamb-Shapiro pancakesarethebest Kate McGuinness
    121 replies 5,709 retweets 23,524 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Zack‏ @TheZephyrStorm Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Took me 15 years to lose my faith in humanity. This kid is clearly smarter than me

        3 replies 2 retweets 144 likes
      3. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @TheZephyrStorm @TheOnion

        That is one smart baby can we get him like somewhere where he can be safe and protected? We need him for the future he must be special

        2 replies 0 retweets 23 likes
      4. Zack‏ @TheZephyrStorm Jun 20
        Replying to @Jwitt777 @TheOnion

        We need to give him a twitter account so he can share his wisdom

        7 replies 0 retweets 28 likes
      5. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @TheZephyrStorm @TheOnion

        Do you work for @TheOnion too?? 😂😂😂 #ToT #TeamOnionTeampic.twitter.com/YprQGargHN

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jordan Mays‏ @Jordan_Mays Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He had a good run.

        1 reply 1 retweet 79 likes
      3. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @Jordan_Mays @TheOnion

        This one made Dude LOLpic.twitter.com/6eba9DXyRk

        1 reply 0 retweets 10 likes
      4. Jordan Mays‏ @Jordan_Mays Jun 20
        Replying to @Jwitt777 @TheOnion

        My wife and I say this about our toddler son, whenever he’s about to attempt something...let’s call it, Not evolutionary sound.

        2 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      5. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @Jordan_Mays @TheOnion

        Lmao you thought he had a chance, thought he was gonna make it, then you saw him try to pull that stunt off, and you’re like, nope , not a chance

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      6. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @Jwitt777 @Jordan_Mays @TheOnion

        *Googles local social security office* might as well get him signed up on disability now, having the government take care of him for forever is probably the only hope he has of gainful employment , especially in this society, I mean have you seen the place? Let’s get him a check.

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      7. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 20
        Replying to @Jwitt777 @Jordan_Mays @TheOnion

        @ShillyJoel I’m turning this into #CryptoOnion I swear 😂😂😂🙌👁🙌

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      8. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jill Daviau  🇨🇦‏ @neithskye Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion @zezrie

        Nope! I was abandoned at birth. Took me all of less than a day. I "win."

        2 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
      3. Zezrie 🌸‏ @zezrie Jun 20
        Replying to @neithskye @TheOnion

        I don't know whether to say "I'm so sorry" or " congratulations"??

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. Melanie Says People Get Ready 2018‏ @JoyRoseM Jun 21
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Onion but still, accurate! 💯

        0 replies 4 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Anthony Pena‏ @AnthonyJPena Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What took them so long?

        0 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Angry Moderate 2020‏ @PaulWartenberg Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        She just found out the country she's born into has Baby Prisons.

        1 reply 0 retweets 29 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Pumpkin Spice Gritty  🌹 🏳️‍🌈‏ @MacEamonn Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion @Clarknt67

        No wonder, he's been in ICE lockup for 5 of those days

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
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      1. Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding‏ @Stewey444 Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I imagine some of those infants in "tender age" detention facilities are feeling similarly.

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      1. Pierre Lucien Fiset‏ @River_Tornado Jun 20
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/XYeVdryDYG

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
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