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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 18

    The Onion Retweeted The Onion

    "Simply put, I am forced to tear kids away from their parents, because I am legally prohibited from throttling immigrants until their bodies go limp."https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1008784933492609024 …

    The Onion added,

    The OnionVerified account @TheOnion
    Jeff Sessions Argues Family Separations Only Happening Because Current Law Doesn’t Allow Him To Strangle Immigrants With Bare Hands https://trib.al/peGheIu  pic.twitter.com/SpD4WmTQEq
    9:05 PM - 18 Jun 2018
    • 1,789 Retweets
    • 6,497 Likes
    • John MacMhaolain ドモ🐰化けドモ👻 Liam Fitzgerald Pat Trainor Jemma Fagler That Music Kid Kaera (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) Terry Barefield
    85 replies 1,789 retweets 6,497 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Alana Scheffler‏ @interrobangcc Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Alana Scheffler Retweeted The Onion

        When @TheOnion is the voice of reason, you know we’ve gone ‘round the bend. Sigh.https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1008923579277340672 …

        Alana Scheffler added,

        The OnionVerified account @TheOnion
        "Simply put, I am forced to tear kids away from their parents, because I am legally prohibited from throttling immigrants until their bodies go limp." https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/1008784933492609024 …
        1 reply 0 retweets 14 likes
      3. Dead Camillthu Lies Dreaming‏ @camilleregan Jun 18
        Replying to @interrobangcc @TheOnion

        The Onion and reality merged a long time ago.

        0 replies 1 retweet 21 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Woodcider‏ @woodcider Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This administration has made your job unbelievably difficult. They keep stealing all the best absurdities and making them real.

        0 replies 1 retweet 16 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. New conversation
      2. Mirel‏ @MirelLeLian Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Between this, the depressingly ever-green "No way to prevent this", and maybe a couple others.... @TheOnion has more journalistic integrity than @FoxNews.

        1 reply 1 retweet 21 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Savitri ॐ‏ @savitrisun Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It’s not funny in this case because it’s true.

        0 replies 1 retweet 14 likes
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      1. Atul Pande‏ @DrAPande Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This might have been funny if it did not border so closely on today's reality. Sessions is as immoral as the rest of the Trump cabal and they have all devolved to their basest urges. The result is a humanitarian crisis CAUSED by America.

        0 replies 1 retweet 4 likes
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      1. WolveinSoCal‏ @jzanier468 Jun 19
        Replying to @TheOnion @WendyMichele48

        What's next? Piano wire strangulations? That was a favorite technique of the SS.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
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      1. B S‏ @BASabbar Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Let's be honest, if he said this tomorrow, none of us would be shocked or surprised

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Robert Mueller says #VoteHard‏ @GhostfaceKHZ Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He's actually legally prohibited from his kid-incarceration compromise. However, he's also the one tasked with enforcing that crime.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. stephanie b.‏ @stefenenick Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion @NaveedAJamali

        he'll find a loophole.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. .🅁yan͎  🎚 🖱‏ @RyanTakesNaps Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        No longer satire

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. The Cryptillionaire Dude‏ @Jwitt777 Jun 19
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I can’t believe you guys made me change my background pic from this Legend to this stupid #OnionFacebook thing @TheOnion , whose idea was this? I know I must have not been invited to the meeting about this one guys. Not happy about it.pic.twitter.com/gojJ3YBYal

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Rick Garber‏ @RickGarber1 Jun 19
        Replying to @TheOnion @RiskyLiberal

        Had this been an actual quote, no decent American would have been surprised. In a #Kakistocracy the satire practically writes itself.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. hold_vintage‏ @hold_vintage Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not funny.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Scott Slaughter‏ @Scott9357Scott Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion @Union_Sports_

        This little weasel needs to be put in his place. That smirk of his tells the whole story

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. M J Berzinsky‏ @BerzinskyM Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😁 But frighteningly plausible.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. je t 'om  📎‏ @G0Bears84 Jun 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Onion is more truthful than Fox News

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Driver Nephi‏ @NickelONickel Jun 18
        Replying to @G0Bears84 @TheOnion

        Not a very high bar to pass, but true

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation

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