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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 13

    How To Manage Depression With TV And Alcoholpic.twitter.com/NEeR9hwBWR

    8:22 AM - 13 Jun 2018
    • 757 Retweets
    • 2,526 Likes
    • mirax The mad computer scientists errant simulated human Melissa katie🎃 Jonah💭 Jake Koenig (Apparently a Futuristic AI) Randy Miller techwriterly Nikkolette Vela
    62 replies 757 retweets 2,526 likes
      1. Uptown Ghulie Bro‏ @Riche_Minerals Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Alcohol has always been so great with my depression. Was there when it took its first steps, said its first word. Worked hard enough to pay for that English Lit Degree. I empty trash at the mall, but in 72 months I'll be able to wash windows. 4.8 out of 5. Would recommend.

        0 replies 1 retweet 15 likes
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      1. Roland Jenkins‏ @Roland_Jenkins Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I put my tongue on a 9 volt battery when I'm feeling low.

        0 replies 1 retweet 15 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. FremenDar‏ @FremenDar Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Anyone who doesn't understand The Onion is satire, no pity for you.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. laura meier‏ @frenzy_meier Jun 13
        Replying to @FremenDar @TheOnion

        No pints, either! LOL

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Donna‏ @DonnaThorson Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I know this is meant to be funny but it’s extremely accurate to an alcoholic

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Gary622‏ @622gaw Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Alcohol The cause of and the solution to all of life's problems............ Homer Simpson.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Amber Hall‏ @AmberHall1989 Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is completely wrong. My dad had depression, and this is literally what he did and it made no difference, I think it might of actually made the problem worse. Please, PLEASE get help, go outside, make some friends, etc if you're depressed.

        2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. TCiPH‏ @Kaltrevor Jun 13
        Replying to @AmberHall1989 @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/t8GAegZQPa

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1.  👻 🎃 sPPooky  🎃 👻‏ @PedroPmaq Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion @SlipHimASmile

        I reached this state and I dont even drink or watch tv lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Mamma Jamma‏ @MJCoad Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh @TheOnion please NEVER NEVER change. We need you now more than ever....

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Munners‏ @Munnerssss Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Can I replace alcohol with pizza and chocolate?

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. laura meier‏ @frenzy_meier Jun 13
        Replying to @Munnerssss @TheOnion

        Why yes! Yes you can! I've heard of people getting blotto on pizza/chocolate binge. 🍕😉😜🍖

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Munners‏ @Munnerssss Jun 13
        Replying to @frenzy_meier @TheOnion

        Aw fuck yeah, balanced brain chemicals, here I come! 🍕🍫

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. The Ministry of Truth is alt-Lies.‏ @OrsonJTrump Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You may be a month late and a six pack short of getting the timing for this PSA just right... Good effort Well presented #Tardy

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Will (he/him/his) 🏳️‍🌈 #LGBTQIA‏ @WillPolitico Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My preferred method!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3.  💀Woody  👻 Tobias Jr 🎃‏ @woody_tobias Jun 13
        Replying to @WillPolitico @TheOnion

        A fifth a day keeps the blues away!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. laura meier‏ @frenzy_meier Jun 13
        Replying to @VodoSiosk_Baas @TheOnion @nonpromqueen

        OMG. Yes. Those guys and their "swamp" distillery. Perfect companion watching.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Austin MacNeill‏ @austinmacneill Jun 13
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @pamelabrooke456

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
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