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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 10

    No Way Old Man In Park Not Thinking About Dead Wife https://trib.al/mmsBgy5 pic.twitter.com/HO8C1RdYM5

    11:28 AM - 10 Jun 2018
    • 158 Retweets
    • 1,850 Likes
    • Alex Conrad Kyle Maw Matthew M. Bartlett daking Jobie Magnus seth Will Cartwright Extra Monster Zone™ 🎃oooky cooky spooky🎃
    42 replies 158 retweets 1,850 likes
      1. Dr John‏ @HonestDrJohn Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Or the girl he should have married.

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Youintheoffice‏ @youintheoffice Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What if he killed her?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Jayson Covert‏ @covertigojayson Jun 10
        Replying to @youintheoffice @TheOnion

        Or what if she killed him and he's just a ghost spending eternity on that bench? #mindblown

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. ViewtfulHero‏ @ViewtfulHero Jun 10
        Replying to @covertigojayson @youintheoffice @TheOnion

        What if he wants to feed the ducks but he's sitting at the wrong side of the pond?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Jayson Covert‏ @covertigojayson Jun 10
        Replying to @ViewtfulHero @youintheoffice @TheOnion

        Or what if the ducks are the reincarnated forms of his dead wives friends?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      6. End of conversation
      1. Terry Akins‏ @markandyp7king Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        About how he should've killed her 30 years earlier

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Tag Evers‏ @TagEvers Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Some day you will be old and alone and this will not be funny. #Ironydoesnotmeancruelty

        2 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Ted Bracewell  🎃 💀 👻 🎃‏ @Tedakin Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Now this is just depressing

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. Amy Dickinson‏ @AskingAmy Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What is wrong with you

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Dougie Howser MD‏ @PrestiSummer Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He has a Cheshire grin on the other side of that head thinking of all the sweet, sweet retirement home tail he is about to slay .....

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Or dead male partner? Sad!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Imtheprotagonist2‏ @Imtheprotagoni1 Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I just wet my pants. How'm I going to stand up?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. JJ‏ @JJNYC777 Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Dark. But fucking dead on. Pardon the pun

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. David Hawley‏ @DavidHawley2 Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Cause she’s in the pond right?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Anne McCue‏ @annemccue Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not funny

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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