Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 8

    Anthropologists Classify 43 New Species Of Weirdo Within Subway Ecosystem https://trib.al/yqtC2f9 pic.twitter.com/0YaSiBD0Zy

    2:58 PM - 8 Jun 2018
    • 293 Retweets
    • 1,559 Likes
    • Peter Giblin Team?.... help? mark mccleary AGGGHHHH That One Guy spooky srah Austin Jason Sussman Steve M
    38 replies 293 retweets 1,559 likes
      1. Satabra‏ @satabra Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Other species can be found on LA train system.

        0 replies 1 retweet 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Polish Jew‏ @largetoegrease Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        SJW’s class 3 billion new genders. All white males still deemed racist

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. flowergirl‏ @cele5tial_ Jun 8
        Replying to @largetoegrease @TheOnion

        are you ok

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      4. Spoopy Archaeologist‏ @thenerdyarch Jun 8
        Replying to @cele5tial_ @largetoegrease @TheOnion

        He needs a safe space to be mad at reality.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Polish Jew‏ @largetoegrease Jun 8
        Replying to @thenerdyarch @TheOnion

        And you need to stop being so infuriatingly correct

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Spoopy Archaeologist‏ @thenerdyarch Jun 8
        Replying to @largetoegrease @TheOnion

        I get that a lot.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. Polish Jew‏ @largetoegrease Jun 9
        Replying to @thenerdyarch @TheOnion

        Oof

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. Blandishmentbob‏ @Blandishmentbob Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Anthropologists? I thought all the spiders had already been named? #archer

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Pat G.‏ @PatGeor63390351 Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There is only ONE. IT'S CALLED HUMAN BEING!🇺🇸

        5 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Jacob Lysinger‏ @jacoblysinger Jun 9
        Replying to @PatGeor63390351 @TheOnion

        See, this is why earth hasn't passed the intergalactic normalcy and integration standards yet.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Doug Davis‏ @TeaPartyLivesOn Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion @Cernovich

        Next, they should study the Democratic Party. There's plenty more there too.

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Kim Be‏ @KimBeShe Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @formercontender I never get tired of seeing this 😍

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. b ö n ê r‏ @formercontender Jun 8
        Replying to @KimBeShe @TheOnion

        Me neither. How weird to see it again FRESH

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. CoddingtonBEAR  🐻  🇺🇸  🇮🇱‏ @Coddington_Bear Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion @Cernovich

        In 2018, I trust @TheOnion more than I do the media. This could easily be a real story. lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chechito‏ @elche_guerra Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I hope the included the Friday morning shame-walkers

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        there are more...keep looking..

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. MUSTACHETAKEOVER‏ @komic111 Jun 10
        Replying to @TheOnion @Cernovich

        This news is more real then @CNN #FakeNewsCNN

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. HelloMcFly‏ @McFlyGuy9 Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yes, and most of them prefer the meatball marinara, and/or the tuna...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. John  🎃 👻 🧟‍♂️ Faltin‏ @johnfaltin Jun 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They are finding new ones every day.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info