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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 3

    Person Sitting In Parked Car At 2:00 A.M. Probably Upstanding Member Of Community https://trib.al/ZvshkjL pic.twitter.com/oNeWR1bsCW

    12:00 AM - 3 Jun 2018
    • 223 Retweets
    • 1,634 Likes
    • 👄☀️🦋 and 412 others ThatDesmo Elizabeth Karlsson big love (registered voter) Pierre-Simon Laplace Elliot Armitage Julie santiago nickelodeon
    20 replies 223 retweets 1,634 likes
      1. Brittany‏ @bwalk1624 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They just like to smoke weed sometimes 🤷‍♀️

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
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      1. ChaseFace‏ @ChaseFaceShow Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Probably just playing Pokemon Go alone. Poor bastard.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Star PreTwitchCon Hype‏ @iamstarletter Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Onion Staff tweets In Parked Car At 2:00 A.M. Probably Upstanding Member Of Community

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Star PreTwitchCon Hype‏ @iamstarletter Jun 3
        Replying to @iamstarletter @TheOnion

        Struggling twitch streamer regrets tweeting witty response that goes unnoticed by millions

        2 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. mediumcrab babyrat‏ @crabrat Jun 3
        Replying to @iamstarletter @TheOnion

        The dead spider on my windowsill could’ve done better

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. Jacob Lysinger‏ @jacoblysinger Jun 3
        Replying to @crabrat @iamstarletter @TheOnion

        Person sitting in parked car at 2am held hostage by spider he previously thought was dead.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. mediumcrab babyrat‏ @crabrat Jun 3
        Replying to @jacoblysinger @iamstarletter @TheOnion

        Please, Mr. Spider, I have a family!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. Michele‏ @Auntmickawicka Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        probably your congressman

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Jeremy Edwards‏ @J_Roc1971 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It’s just @SenateMajLdr Mitch McConnell’s blow dealer.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. JessicaEsther‏ @sonnyhunnychile Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Actually I am... I just generally find people on the street, and buy them candy and talk to them(#WitchHunt)

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. norman m canter NYC‏ @normancanter Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        or a down-sitting member of the community.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Jerome Pietrusiak‏ @pietruaik Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hard to say. I’d be suspicious if he were in front of my house Probably go out to see if he needed any help

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Daddydillo‏ @daddydillo Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Nope, just playing Pokemon go. An unown spawned in your backyard.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Preemster‏ @yikes90909 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        93 Ford lightning 🤣

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. the Markksman‏ @xPeteZ Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED 👿

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Alex Preiss‏ @AlexPreiss4 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At press time, Sudbury native Samuel Brand was found sleep walking and all exited about the upcoming Mosquito Spraying on Monday, June 4th, 2018.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Ruben‏ @Ruben32291941 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It was an UBER driver, waiting for his next trip.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Mark‏ @mutzley Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @yuriekim 👀

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
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