They just like to smoke weed sometimes 
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Probably just playing Pokemon Go alone. Poor bastard.
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The Onion Staff tweets In Parked Car At 2:00 A.M. Probably Upstanding Member Of Community
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Struggling twitch streamer regrets tweeting witty response that goes unnoticed by millions
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The dead spider on my windowsill could’ve done better
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Person sitting in parked car at 2am held hostage by spider he previously thought was dead.
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Please, Mr. Spider, I have a family!
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probably your congressman
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It’s just
@SenateMajLdr Mitch McConnell’s blow dealer.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Actually I am... I just generally find people on the street, and buy them candy and talk to them(
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or a down-sitting member of the community.
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Hard to say. I’d be suspicious if he were in front of my house Probably go out to see if he needed any help
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Nope, just playing Pokemon go. An unown spawned in your backyard.
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93 Ford lightning
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I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED
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At press time, Sudbury native Samuel Brand was found sleep walking and all exited about the upcoming Mosquito Spraying on Monday, June 4th, 2018.
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It was an UBER driver, waiting for his next trip.
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