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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jun 2

    Man Given 3 Months To Live Throws In One Or Two Non-Sexual Things To Do https://trib.al/LS3SRGf pic.twitter.com/wc4AloGoEA

    8:29 PM - 2 Jun 2018
    • 118 Retweets
    • 1,325 Likes
    • 🦇 Cabrid 🦇 JayAtFright Meemansa Bhandari Gratefulheart Spoopy Archaeologist Richard Heart V.FranQui Mike South Steve Boo-urns
    15 replies 118 retweets 1,325 likes
      1. Olen‏ @OlenAtTheRouge Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        1. Buy more leather. 2. Contemplate praying for the first time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
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      1. Alex Preiss‏ @AlexPreiss4 Jun 3
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Informed by doctors that he suffers from a terminal form of cancer and has only 12 weeks to live, local man Stephen Hewitt informed the doctor that at the moment he doesn’t have the money pay him. The doctor gave Stephen 12 more weeks to live.

        0 replies 1 retweet 2 likes
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      1. Rem Most‏ @rem_most Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        1. Eat more cheese 2. Have sex with 2 women at once..... oh yeah, I forgot, can’t be sexual..... Uhhhhh like, I’m talking about ALOT of cheese then.

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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      1. CyberBlaze‏ @BryceZabel Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's important to maintain some balance in life... and death...

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Catastoriphic‏ @Catastoriphic Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        LoL

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Mandaliet‏ @teiladnam Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I assume one of the things is to lie in bed as the disease slowly takes him. I mean, there's not really a lot you can do if you're dying.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Canadian_Front_Bacon‏ @1_uzername_gone Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Here's some help to possibly get a lil sumthin sumthin... A: give the 90's back it's goatee B: undo top button of the size too small shirt. C: a few bench presses to bring the B cups down to an A...these 3 little things will help you not die a virgin...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Barneymac‏ @Barneymac24 Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What if the man given 3 months to live is not the man in the picture ? That could change things

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. JKegs‏ @KegsJ Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sounds pretty desperate.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. CerealBurger.com‏ @cerealburger Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh dear

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Daniel Rodriguez‏ @CarpeDiem865 Jun 2
        Replying to @TheOnion

        🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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