Tweets

You blocked @TheOnion

Are you sure you want to view these Tweets? Viewing Tweets won't unblock @TheOnion

  1. 8 hours ago

    New Ted Cruz Attack Ad Declares Beto O'Rourke Too Good For Texas

    Undo
  2. 9 hours ago

    Trump Claims He Can Overrule Constitution With Executive Order Because Of Little-Known 'No One Will Stop Me' Loophole

    Undo
  3. 10 hours ago

    Senator Feinstein Wondering If Now A Good Time To Disclose 7 Highly Credible Murder Allegations Against Kavanaugh She Received Weeks Ago

    Undo
  4. 11 hours ago

    Elizabeth Warren Disappointed After DNA Test Shows Zero Trace Of Presidential Material

    Undo
  5. 12 hours ago

    Woman Always Gets Best Ideas While Taking Shower With Two Jacked Dudes

    Undo
  6. 13 hours ago

    Kinky Girlfriend Wants To Try Sexual Pleasure Tonight

    Undo
  7. 13 hours ago

    Simple Joy Of Childhood Stolen From Toddler Who Was Just Told He Can't Touch Own Genitals At Dinner Table

    Undo
  8. 14 hours ago

    Thom Yorke Admits Vast Majority Of Musical Output Fueled By Constant Fear Of Being One-Upped By Coldplay

    Undo
  9. 15 hours ago

    Taylor Swift Breaks Political Silence To Throw Support Behind Restoring Shōgun To Throne Of Japan

    Undo
  10. 16 hours ago

    Video Game Blacksmith Struggling To Compete With Random Chests Full Of Free Armor All Over Kingdom

    Undo
  11. 17 hours ago

    Defiant Dallas Police Officer Claims Anyone Could Have Mistaken Black Man's Apartment For Gun

    Undo
  12. 18 hours ago

    Nation Baffled By Childless Woman Who Doesn't Even Have High-Powered Career

    Undo
  13. 19 hours ago

    Returning Jesus Christ Downed By U.S. Missile Defense 30,000 Feet Before Making Landfall

    Undo
  14. 20 hours ago
    Undo
  15. 21 hours ago

    Emotional Le'Veon Bell Reveals Holdout A Result Of Forgetting How To Run

    Undo
  16. 22 hours ago

    Russell Wilson Asks Seahawks To Modify Play Where He's Immediately Tackled By Six Players

    Undo
  17. 23 hours ago

    GOP Officials: Kavanaugh Shouldn't Be Held Accountable For Something He Did As White Teenager

    Undo
  18. 24 hours ago

    Lisa Murkowski Admits She Thought Being Alaskan Senator Would Just Mean Having To Deal With Bears And Shit

    Undo
  19. Jan 3
    Undo
  20. Jan 3

    Frat Brothers Draw All Over Pledge Who Passed Away At Party

    Undo

Loading seems to be taking a while.

Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

    You may also like

    ·