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"Babe, I Didn't Even Know You Liked That Stuff," Says Man Returning From Romantic Four-Course Meal For Two bit.ly/3uPoa52
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Woman Promises Free Beer, Pizza For Any Friends Who Help Her Move Body Out Of Apartment bit.ly/3uPoa52
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Man Wishes He Knew Enough About Cars To Tell If Repair Really Costs One Blow Job bit.ly/3uPoa52
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Putin Pleased As Plot To Ruin Russian Economy, Destroy International Standing Goes Exactly To Plan bit.ly/3hr1Xaz
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Onion Sports shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in the NFL’s week 15 games.
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Cat Clinging To Side Of Christmas Tree Admits That Was Extent Of Plan bit.ly/3hvaKIC
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Gates Foundation Unveils Initiative To Give Starving Africans Fat Suits bit.ly/3BDXEzI
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Homeless Matt Damon Forced To Sell Kidney After Losing Everything In Crypto Pump And Dump Scheme bit.ly/3uPoa52
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Ancestry Website Shows Chart Of Which Dead People Busted Loads Inside Other Dead People bit.ly/3uUXNuG
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Disgraced FTX Cryptocurrency founder Sam Bankman-Fried was arrested in the Bahamas for defrauding investors. The Onion asked prominent CEOs what they thought about the arrest of the “Crypto King,” and this is what they said.
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Employee Wishes He Had Enough Job Security To Voice Opinion bit.ly/3Phwggo
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