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  1. Pinned Tweet

    Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

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  2. Transportation Secretary Calls For $200 Billion In Funding To Repair Nation’s Rickety Wooden Bridges

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  3. Victorious Patrick Mahomes Thanks Bears For Drafting Mitchell Trubisky

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  4. Super Bowl Confetti Made Entirely From Shredded Concussion Studies

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  5. Chiefs Finally Overcome Curse Of Not Being Good For A Very Long Time

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  6. Mike Shanahan Storms Onto Super Bowl Field To Berate Ref For Bullshit Call Against His Boy

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  7. Adorable Super Bowl Encourages Fans To Adopt Abandoned, Stray Football Players

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  8. Bored 49ers Fan Already Watched J. Lo Perform At Start-Up’s Holiday Party

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  9. ‘She’s About My Age,’ Reports Mom Watching Halftime Show

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  10. Super Bowl Party Host Screams At Guests For Lackluster First-Half Snacking

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  11. Sammy Watkins Stops Running In Middle Of Route To Look Around, Soak In This Special Moment

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  12. FOX Adds Highlighted Line On Field Showing Women How Far Away They Should Stay From Tyreek Hill

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  13. Nick Bosa Frustrated Some Guy Always Standing In Way When He’s Trying To Rush Pocket

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  14. ‘I’m Just Here For The Commercials,’ Jokes Man At Super Bowl Party Too Embarrassed To Admit He Desperate For Any Human Company

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  15. Panicked Referee Trying To Retrieve Super Bowl Coin From Vending Machine Before Opening Toss

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  16. Increased Security Requirements For Super Bowl Mandate All Fan Clothes Be Made From Transparent Plastic

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  17. Controversial Puppy Bowl Star Shits During National Anthem

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  18. Grocery Store Not Fooling Anybody By Marketing Cantaloupe As Fun Super Bowl Snack

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  19. ‘You’re A Piece Of Shit And I Hope Everyone Like You Dies,’ Says Biden To Democratic Voter In Stirring Call For Party Unity

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  20. NFL Announces Super Bowl Tickets Only Available For Purchase One Hour Before Kickoff At Stadium Box Office

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  21. Kushner Promises Israel Plan Will Relocate All Palestinians To Generous Swath Of Mediterranean Sea

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