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The Needling
@TheNeedling
Seattle's Only Real Fake News (Satire/Parody) Have a hot headline tip? Send it to Submit@TheNeedling.com
Seattle, WATheNeedling.comJoined July 2017

The Needling’s Tweets

As the nation mourns another heinous murder of a black person at the hands of police, Mayor Bruce Harrell promised Seattle today that—just like Memphis—he’ll also commit to holding murderous cops accountable as long as they’re also black.
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Mayor Harrell Also Commits to Holding Cops Accountable As Long As They’re Also Black: bit.ly/3Y8fYcZ
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As the nation mourns another heinous murder of a black person at the hands of police, Mayor Bruce Harrell promised Seattle today that—just like Memphis—he’ll also commit to holding murderous cops accountable as long as they’re also black.
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Mayor Harrell Also Commits to Holding Cops Accountable As Long As They’re Also Black: bit.ly/3Y8fYcZ
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As the nation mourns another heinous murder of a black person at the hands of police, Mayor Bruce Harrell promised Seattle today that—just like Memphis—he’ll also commit to holding murderous cops accountable as long as they’re also black.
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“Science rules, and soon I will wield its awesome power to rule the world with a mighty iron fist—which is a chemical element with symbol Fe, and the most common magnetic metal,” said Bill Nye, menacingly educating several hostages in his new lair at the Pacific Science Center.
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Bill Nye Breaks Bad; Establishes Evil Lair at Pacific Science Center: bit.ly/3Jk6PJX
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After spending decades as the face of educational TV programming, local authorities say Bill Nye the Science Guy has suddenly broken bad and established an evil lair at the Pacific Science Center.
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“It’s honestly so convenient to just be able to go to the hospital when I need to repent for all my multiple sins,” says the only actual Catholic person in Seattle we could find, Jenny McBean.
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Every Virginia Mason Employee Replaced by Nun Whose Only Job Is to Refuse Your Abortion: bit.ly/3XCSNY9
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“It’s honestly so convenient to just be able to go to the hospital when I need to repent for all my multiple sins,” says the only actual Catholic person in Seattle we could find, Jenny McBean.
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Every Virginia Mason Employee Replaced by Nun Whose Only Job Is to Refuse Your Abortion: bit.ly/3XCSNY9
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In an effort to streamline its services and operations, today Virginia Mason Medical Center announced it’s immediately and permanently replacing all its employees with nuns whose only job is to refuse your abortion.
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Dick's 69th birthday 69-cent milkshake deal is available this week with crowds sure to get in long lines for vanilla shakes Tuesday, chocolate shakes expected to sell out fast on Wednesday, and an unpredictably light or heavy day for strawberry milkshakes available on Thursday.
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Dick’s to Celebrate 69th Birthday with 69-cent Milkshakes: bit.ly/3HqHxsl
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Dick's 69th birthday 69-cent milkshake deal is available this week with crowds sure to get in long lines for vanilla shakes Tuesday, chocolate shakes expected to sell out fast on Wednesday, and an unpredictably light or heavy day for strawberry milkshakes available on Thursday.
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Dick’s to Celebrate 69th Birthday with 69-cent Milkshakes: bit.ly/3HqHxsl
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Dick's 69th birthday 69-cent milkshake deal is available this week with crowds sure to get in long lines for vanilla shakes Tuesday, chocolate shakes expected to sell out fast on Wednesday, and an unpredictably light or heavy day for strawberry shakes available on Thursday.
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A politician took a break from his politics job today to stand outside on the steps of the politics building and chastise citizens asking for a political solution to the latest in an endless string of tragedies plaguing the nation.
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‘Let’s Not Make This Tragedy Political,’ Says Politician Doing Political Job at the Politics Building: bit.ly/3XBts14
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A politician took a break from his politics job today to stand outside on the steps of the politics building and chastise citizens asking for a political solution to the latest in an endless string of tragedies plaguing the nation.
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‘Let’s Not Make This Tragedy Political,’ Says Politician Doing Political Job at the Politics Building: bit.ly/3XBts14
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