Bryan Donaldson

I don't think we have the right to remain silent anymore.

RT @realDonaldTrump There are a couple Pringles left and nobody has been able to get them out of the bottom of the can. I alone can solve

Remember Trump supporters: Whichever hand you use to vote, that's the one that holds the firework.

Now that #Brexit is done can we get to work on #Floridepart?

The worst part about the #Brexit is now Zayn will never be allowed to rejoin One Direction.

I like to look at every #Brexit as being a #Brentrance to somewhere else.

Fireworks are illegal in my state so I'm buying my family a bunch of guns to shoot off on the 4th of July.

"You know how nymphomaniacs feel compelled to have sex but get no enjoyment out of it? It's that but for jokes." -original pitch for Twitter

another successful solstice. thanks to #SolsticeSquad for getting this one off without a hitch. fuck the equinox

I was gonna write a joke about National Selfie Day but I couldn't come up with a good angle.

Judging by the size of the backpack you just hit me with, I can only assume your Sherpa died during your descent to the subway platform.

"I never get sick." - people who get sick the normal amount

Today is National Fudge Day. Which means Milk and Lemonade Day are right around the corner!

I feel like this presidential election is essentially a battle between the article and the comments section.

"Radical Islam" sounds like an ill-conceived Gatorade flavor.

My beach body is stuck in development hell.

When I go to a place I buy a shirt with the name of the place on it so people will know that I've been to the place it says on my shirt.