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Since this is getting some skin, I'd like to point out: This is why I find the easy suggestion of, "Just think before you reply!" to be so facile. If it were a matter of thinking, there wouldn't be a problem. But it's not a matter of thinking. It's reacting.
Show me a way of breaking the cycle, of interrupting mental patterns that have been ingrained for 20+ years, and then, maybe, we can approach it from a thinking standpoint. But when it's moved to the back of the brain, all bets are off.
The answer is "Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and hard work". I'm going through it, and it's a long and difficult road, but positive changes can gradually be had. The goal is precisely this - changing positive conscious patterns into automatic/subconscious ones, replacing the bad.
I think in 50-100 years we'll look back on early 21st century mental health like we look back on smoking ads from the 1950s today. We'll realise we were so stupid to not make it easier for people to get healthy, and how obvious it all was.
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