Life Pro Tip: Get you a guy, gal, or non-binary pal who can cook. Or be that person who can cook. You don't need to be Gordon Ramsay, you just need to be able to follow basic instructions. Except for when it comes to baking. Baking can go to hell.
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My sister has pointed me towards some cooking Youtubes when she gets tired of me trying to understand how to do some things. "JUST LOOK AT THE GRANDMA AND DO WHAT SHE SAYS"
"OR YOU GET LA CHANCLA"
...Or is that joke racist? I'm honestly not even sure. 
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She can't hit me with a chancla from Tennessee! ... her aim isn't that good. And she's tiny so she'd just punch me in the kidneys instead
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What is it with La Chancla, anyway? I've got a Swedish buddy with Spanish parents, and when I mentioned it he knew what I was talking about and laughed - but he also instantly developed this sort of "I've seen some shit" look in his eye.
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