What would you have to unlearn to be truly happy?
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1/ I think in my case it's not trauma from home, but schooling, and a dash of the US game industry. When you're a kid on the autism spectrum in a mainstream school, you're like a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti - the social predators smell you a mile away.
2/ When you're emotionally abused relentlessly by classmates and teachers alike, for years, it's hard not to internalize some of the hate. In particular, it's imbued me with a habit of taking anything and everything personally.
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3/ If there's any ambiguity about a statement, I tend to view it in the most negative possible light. This leads to arguments and anger towards others, which reflects back on me. After I calm down and reassess the situation, I realize my error, and the self-hate increases.
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4/ Paradoxically, when I entered the industry at age 19, I had an ego the size of a house, which my skills couldn't back up. Between 2015 and 2017 I spent a lot of time killing that ego, but I worry I may have gone too far.
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