One of my consistent weaknesses as an employee is not being confident and contributing to my full potential. Managers comment on it. But for every time I engage, take ownership & steer a project to success & accolades, there's a time I went in a direction no one wanted/expected.https://twitter.com/NeuroRebel/status/1180104587300216832 …
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That's the feedback I keep hearing at my job for the past ~2 years of my 14-year game dev career: "You kick ass, act like it, have some confidence." But that's the thing. ~12 years of masking, acting allistic, has damaged me. This is the first job I've had where I can be me.
I'm not confident because it was verbally beaten out of me over the past 12 years of railing against the system, railing against unsupportive management and HR. Now that I'm in a situation where people genuinely treat me as a fellow person and not a number, it's hard to operate.
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We can't perform to our full potential if we don't feel it's safe to fail. That's true for everyone. It's just that autistics have a lot of fears that our bosses can't relate to. I found if I explained I had anxiety (before I knew I had autism), that helped people understand.
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anxiety is just irrrational fear, so once I introduced that idea to people, they could help me with my fears without having to understand them. It was like an empathy shortcut.
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