One of my consistent weaknesses as an employee is not being confident and contributing to my full potential. Managers comment on it. But for every time I engage, take ownership & steer a project to success & accolades, there's a time I went in a direction no one wanted/expected.https://twitter.com/NeuroRebel/status/1180104587300216832 …
That's the feedback I keep hearing at my job for the past ~2 years of my 14-year game dev career: "You kick ass, act like it, have some confidence." But that's the thing. ~12 years of masking, acting allistic, has damaged me. This is the first job I've had where I can be me.
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I'm not confident because it was verbally beaten out of me over the past 12 years of railing against the system, railing against unsupportive management and HR. Now that I'm in a situation where people genuinely treat me as a fellow person and not a number, it's hard to operate.
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We can't perform to our full potential if we don't feel it's safe to fail. That's true for everyone. It's just that autistics have a lot of fears that our bosses can't relate to. I found if I explained I had anxiety (before I knew I had autism), that helped people understand.
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