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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    18. svi 2018.

    [i get home to find a note on the refrigerator that says "i'm leaving and i'm taking the kids"] ME: *unplugs fridge from power outlet* you're not going anywhere you piece of shit

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    8. ožu 2017.

    ME: *breathlessly bursts through front door* quick honey, cancel our weekend plans! WIFE [startled]: omg why?! ME: cuz they're fuckin lame

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Crocodile Dundee: you call that a knife? me: yes what do you call it? Dundee: this is a sharpy stabaroo

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    evolution is real. the earth does one evolution around the sun every 365 days, that's the reasons for the seasons

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 5 sati

    david attenborough: lookit this cute little defenseless creature :) me: aw [low intense violins start playing] david attenborough: lookit this deceptively cute predator :) me: david no david attenborough: circle of life :) me: :(

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 6 sati

    her: ugg boots really put Australia on the map me: no it’s always been there

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    casting agent: ok this is an audition for pretty little liars actress 1: awesome! actress 2: yes! shakira's hips: fuck

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Hugh Jackman: *crying at his dining room table* Crikey! His Wife: What’s wrong? Hugh: *pawing at his food with his knuckles* It won’t work! It’s not cutting! His Wife: Hugh we’ve been over this. You don’t have your claws anymore, you need to use a fork and knife.

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  9. prije 9 sati

    people, those is why you shouldn't mock rudy mustang on-line, it only makes him more powerful

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 sati

    hate not knowing whether a car is going to merge into my lane in front of me, they should invent some sort of signal for that

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    my wife claims she is taking a stand against my going out and railing lines of coke all night yet she took some advil when she had a headache a horrendous example to the millions of young women around the world

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    26. sij

    Bathrooms never should’ve been split based on gender it should be based on whether you need to pee pee or poo poo

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  13. prije 21 sat

    casting agent: ok this is an audition for pretty little liars actress 1: awesome! actress 2: yes! shakira's hips: fuck

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  14. prije 21 sat

    my wife claims she is taking a stand against my going out and railing lines of coke all night yet she took some advil when she had a headache a horrendous example to the millions of young women around the world

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    [friend gets me to watch star wars for the 1st time] "a long time ago..." wait, you didn't say this was a historical film? "in a galaxy far far away" about geography and astronomy? what is this, fuckin school

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  16. 2. velj

    In AMERICA we watch FOOTBALL and eat CHIPS which we dip in DIP and NACHOS which we drown in QUESO and WINGS which we dunk in RANCH DRESSING and we drink BEER which is called BUD LITE and we HIGH FIVE our BUDDIES with our HANDS and if you don't LIKE it you can GET OUT

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    not sure why the bad part of "you made your bed, now lie in it" is the part where you get to lie in a bed

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  18. 2. velj

    hello nfl, can i have just a cup of super? don't think i could eat an entire bowl. thanks,

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  19. 2. velj

    white lady getting mad because the cafe is out of almond milk

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. velj 2018.

    [having a pizza party with 5 teddy bears] More pizza, guys? Or are you... STUFFED? HAHAHA *eats all the pizza before they can answer*

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  21. 2. velj

    [friend gets me to watch star wars for the 1st time] "a long time ago..." wait, you didn't say this was a historical film? "in a galaxy far far away" about geography and astronomy? what is this, fuckin school

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