RTJustinPerez Part 2

@thefartbox

one of many profiles for comedian Justin Perez () to retweet himself.

JustinPerezComedy.com
Joined March 2015
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  1. Retweeted
    2 Apr 2020

    CAN YOU HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND? and I went on a date, many moons ago annnd some of the details are foggy cuz maybeeeee we drank too much but he remembered most of the awkwardness…

    2 retweets 9 likes
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  2. Retweeted
    28 Jan 2020

    As a tribute to Kobe in my rec league I just put up 8 points on 24 shots

    1 reply 9 retweets 38 likes
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  3. Retweeted
    24 Jan 2020

    My great grandfather spent 65 years on an incredible journey to find cigarettes.

    This Tweet is unavailable.
    3 retweets 10 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    21 Jan 2020

    Calls Mom Mom: Hi are you married yet? Me: To spite you I’ll marry the next woman I see. Mom: To spite me you should get her pregnant too. It would make me real upset if you gave me a little granddaughter. I would be so pissed.

    2 retweets 15 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    14 Jan 2020

    I was at a Taco Bell Catina, ordered a margarita slushie and got IDed. I accidentally handed the kid my Costco membership. As I reached to get my license he stopped me and said “this will do sir”

    4 replies 12 retweets 168 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    5 Jan 2020

    All my New Yorkers, which is the best seat?

    1 reply 7 retweets 22 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    19 Aug 2019

    *sound on* BABY’S FIRST ABOLISH ICE PROTEST

    1 retweet 3 likes
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  8. Retweeted
    25 Aug 2019

    White Claw in human form – at The Creek and The Cave

    2 retweets 12 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    13 Sep 2019

    I hope when The Bagel Boss makes it on SNL four years from now, they don’t bring up that video of him at Bagel Boss.

    1 reply 2 retweets 18 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    16 Apr 2019

    It’s crazy how if a woman wants people to know she’s got big boobs she just wears a revealing shirt but when men want people to know they have a big dick they have to be like “Hey I don’t feel the need to do CrossFit.”

    4 retweets 35 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    1 Mar 2019

    Hey! Reminder the last weekend you can enjoy Michael Jackson music is upon us! Relish it!

    1 reply 1 retweet 10 likes
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  12. Retweeted
    4 Mar 2019

    I keeps it real

    1 reply 2 retweets 6 likes
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  13. Retweeted
    4 Mar 2019

    lol I kissed Pete Davidson

    1 reply 2 retweets 11 likes
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  14. Retweeted
    28 Feb 2019

    “Queens is better than Brooklyn!” *looks up bagel shop in Queens*

    1 retweet 7 likes
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  15. Retweeted
    28 Feb 2019

    A Guide To My Friends Neighborhoods in Queens, NY Astoria: a scrunched up Ditmas Park Sunnyside: Irish Bay Ridge Long Island City: Gowanus without a Canal/Whole Foods Flushing: a Hispanic Free Sunset Park Maspeth: Williamsburg in 1997

    1 retweet 4 likes
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  16. Retweeted
    28 Feb 2019

    I would rather live in poverty in Brooklyn than opulence in Queens

    4 replies 2 retweets 9 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    28 Feb 2019

    “Dude what’s so hard to understand? I’m at 33-33 33rd and 33st next to the Greek food place. How can you not find my apt?!” - Astoria, Queens

    1 reply 9 retweets 45 likes
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  18. Retweeted
    11 Jan 2019

    I have a friend who’s a glass blower, another who’s a candle maker and one who handcrafts wooden furniture. Two people at my job have gotten gout. Living in Brooklyn is like being in the 1700’s with great WiFi.

    8 retweets 128 likes
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  19. Retweeted
    23 Sep 2018

    Dating is just cleaning your room a lot and if you’re lucky you get to show someone.

    2 replies 71 retweets 560 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    16 Jul 2018

    Live everyday like you’re personally trying to bankrupt MoviePass

    2 retweets 5 likes
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