Sari Beliak

@thecrassceiling

Senior Contributing Writer Eye-Roller

Phoenix/Chicago
saribeliak.journoportfolio.com
Joined April 2015
33 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    9 Jun 2017

    Trader Joe's is playing 'Stay' by Lisa Loeb and it's tripping me out because I didn't know I could synch up my period with a grocery store

    25 retweets 148 likes
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  2. Jul 14

    Woman at TSA called me 'kiddo' and the male flight attendants both called me 'sweetheart,' so yeah, you could say my new skincare is working

    13 likes
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  3. Jul 11

    Just drove to 2 Walgreens, a CVS, and a Target in 112 heat to find the *exact Pilot pens* I like to write with bc I lost my fave pens at the library whilst moving away from a man loudly crunching chips while I was TRYING TO WRITE JOKES and what I'm trying to say is I have OCD

    7 likes
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  4. Retweeted
    Jul 8

    poppunk my dad waiting vocalist for mom to get ready 🤝 yelling LET’S GO

    1 retweet 6 likes
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  5. Retweeted
    Jul 8

    hi! I'm currently looking for pitches on the below for . - Stranger Things - Share (July 27th on HBO) - A Black Lady Sketch Show - Four Weddings And a Funeral - Orange Is The New Black email in bio.

    81 replies 1,218 retweets 2,218 likes
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  6. Retweeted
    Jul 7

    Therapist: And what do we say when we feel like this? Me: It be like that sometimes Therapist: No

    1,115 replies 195,092 retweets 642,169 likes
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  7. Retweeted
    Jul 6

    Brown dude asked where my family was from and when I said Sri Lanka he responded “oh I hope everyone is safe after what happened!” and you know what, thanks

    1 retweet 9 likes
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  8. Retweeted
    Jul 1

    This is a good time to put up a reminder, regardless of how busy I am: PoC writers, always always shoot your shot if you think you have something would love. I want your writing. I want you to be PAID for your writing.

    9 replies 140 retweets 418 likes
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  9. Retweeted
    Jun 29

    Saw a job listing: degree required, 3-5 years experience preferred, the role begins as a “credited internship or volunteer position” where you might be asked to join the team based on performance. It’s stuff like this that’s dismantling young people & the economy. Not avocados.

    157 replies 7,344 retweets 27,923 likes
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  10. Retweeted
    Jun 30

    Imagine having the whole miracle of the Internet at your fingertips and using it to tell people what parts of yourself you don’t wash in the shower and that you find Kamala Harris too “aggressive”

    32 replies 248 retweets 3,380 likes
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  11. Jun 29

    Thanks for all your kind messages and words of encouragement! Getting to write for The Onion has been the most fantastic and humbling experience of my life, and I can't believe they ever moved me & my dog out to Chicago, WOW.

    1 retweet 9 likes
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  12. Jun 27

    Please consider hiring these former Onion/CH folks to brighten your room! @rajat_sureshetc, etc, etc May live on for a thousand years <3 Thanks for reading!

    3 retweets 22 likes
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  13. Jun 27

    Children lost in museums is another idea I stubbornly pitched until the room gave in so I'd STFU (see also: prison musicals, children soiling themselves onstage, roommates ruining your romantic dinner, K9 cops, etc) so writing this brought me a lot of joy

    1 reply 1 retweet 13 likes
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  14. Jun 27

    My bus stop was right by a fire station and I guess what I'm trying to say is inspiration is all around us!

    1 reply 1 retweet 14 likes
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  15. Jun 27

    Baby's first OpEd! I had a lot of fun writing this headline and article, bc I'm a giant perv

    1 reply 1 retweet 12 likes
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  16. Jun 27

    A hot take on mental illness, from my apprenticeship (article written by staff)

    1 reply 12 likes
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  17. Jun 27

    Had a lot of fun writing this article (hed by staff). Shoutout to the insanely talented art dept for this disgusting masterpiece

    1 reply 3 retweets 20 likes
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  18. Jun 27

    This hed from my fellowship that comforted/pissed a lot of people off

    1 reply 1 retweet 13 likes
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  19. Jun 27

    The idea of prison musicals + talent shows was a hilarious concept to me, and smthg I pitched repeatedly with no luck (sorry everyone in the room). But then!!! Whitey Bulger died and helped all my dreams come true! Thanks for dying, Whitey!

    1 reply 1 retweet 11 likes
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  20. Jun 27

    This lil nugget from my fellowship packet that got to see the light of day (article by staff)

    1 reply 12 likes
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