Therapist: “If you want to continue feeding your addiction, you’ll need to fight for it.” Client: “You mean I need to assess the cost in my life and decide if what I’ll give up for it?” Therapist, donning a helm: “No.”
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Therapist: What do you say when your wife asks to talk about what you’re feeling? Client: You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Therapist: No.
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Therapist: When you experience a severe anxiety episode, what’s the best thing you can say to yourself? Client, singing: Take me down to the trauma city where the grasses scream and we love self pity. Therapist: No.
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Therapist: Next time you experience self-esteem problems about your weight, what do you tell yourself? Female client: At least I make the rockin’ world go round. Therapist: *guitar riff*
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Therapist: What do we do when someone tells us they want to get to know us better? Client: Curiosity killed the cat, but I’ve got far darker plans for you. Therapist: No.
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Client: I need a letter. Therapist: Okay. Client: For my new emotional support broadsword. Therapist: This is why I got my license.
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Therapist: “You’re almost done with therapy so it’s time we discuss your fear of snakes.” Patient: “But I don’t have a fear of snakes.” Therapist, donning a snake costume: “Not yet.”
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End of conversation
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