Therapist: And what do we do when we see this many red flags in a new partner? Client: Wear green so we accessorize together. Therapist: No.
-
-
Therapist: What do we say when someone hurts our feelings? Client: Nothing a ritual dismemberment can’t fix. Therapist: No.
Show this thread -
Therapist: What do we say when someone says they want to be in a relationship with us? Client: Welcome to the feces festival. Therapist: I’m using that.
Show this thread -
Therapist: What do you say when your wife asks to talk about what you’re feeling? Client: You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here. Therapist: No.
Show this thread -
Therapist: When you experience a severe anxiety episode, what’s the best thing you can say to yourself? Client, singing: Take me down to the trauma city where the grasses scream and we love self pity. Therapist: No.
Show this thread -
Therapist: Next time you experience self-esteem problems about your weight, what do you tell yourself? Female client: At least I make the rockin’ world go round. Therapist: *guitar riff*
Show this thread -
Therapist: What do we do when someone tells us they want to get to know us better? Client: Curiosity killed the cat, but I’ve got far darker plans for you. Therapist: No.
Show this thread -
Client: I need a letter. Therapist: Okay. Client: For my new emotional support broadsword. Therapist: This is why I got my license.
Show this thread -
Therapist: “You’re almost done with therapy so it’s time we discuss your fear of snakes.” Patient: “But I don’t have a fear of snakes.” Therapist, donning a snake costume: “Not yet.”
Show this thread
End of conversation
New conversation -
Loading seems to be taking a while.
Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.