My worst job was mopping public bathrooms. I worked retail warehouse but had to double as janitor. The women’s bathroom was inevitably the worst. It was as if the laws of modern society didn’t exist in there. Follow me on this journey of retail janitorial dread and loathing.
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I worked right next to the bathrooms and had to smell them all day as I handled defective product shipments. When they got bad enough we’d check them. I lived in the ghetto and worked in the slightly better ghetto so they were always bad. But in the darkest times, it was worse.
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Men of course have that river of pee in front of the urinals. It’s as if they walk up and don’t aim, they start peeing and hope to zero in on the target by feel alone. “Woah, too far left! Back! Back! Too far! Okay, you’re on target— and it’s done. Someone will clean that up.”
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That puddle grew every day until we’d have to mop it. If we didn’t, dudes went to the bathroom like those Vietnam photos of soldiers wading through the river with their rifles up in the air. Bros going to the bathroom hoping Charlie won’t snipe them from the tops of the stalls.
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The women’s bathroom, though. It was like the monkey cage at the zoo. We never ever had runs on the bathroom. The bathroom stalls should never have been filled. But women still pooped on the floor by the sink. We don’t know how, but they sure did.
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I imagine it was like bored women eating together at a restaurant. “I always have good luck with the chicken strips. But I’m bored, I feel like something different tonight. What about the tuna wrap?”
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“I always have good luck with the toilet. But I’m bored, I feel like trying something new. What about the floor?” None of us ever figured it out. Even the female employees.
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Maybe it was like when shoppers put something back on the wrong shelf and figure it will just be taken care of. “well I don’t have time to put this where it goes. Someone will come take it back for me.” “Not my bathroom, not my job.”
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I worked retail for 6 years and I’m glad I never have to go back. But remember this thread next time you use a public bathroom. Some dude is gonna have to come clean up after you, and he’ll probably be entirely confused about what you could possibly have been thinking.
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