Never ever ever ever ever complain about your spouse to anyone else. Keep your dirty laundry in your home and address it openly with your spouse so it gets fixed. Airing it in public means you don’t trust them to love you enough to fix it without triangulating with allies.
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There's not a fine, bright line between abuse/something less. I'd imagine a situation rarely goes from 0-abuse in an instant, so there is that fuzzy area where 'never ever ever ever' has to be crossed.
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My sister & her husband separated for a while because he chose to repeatedly complain about something to a coworker instead of directly to her. She had no idea he was upset since he never said anything, and as the coworker was female she though he was having an affair.
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I agree about abusive situations, but this wasn't one. They worked it out (he wasn't having an affair, just being an idiot), but had he simply told her he was upset they never would've separated in the first place.
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My Criminal Law professor taught us the first day of law school that getting married significantly increases your chance of being murdered. Everyone laughed. She didn't.
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