I’m a marriage and family therapist. I mostly treat individuals, but a lot of couples, too. One of my favorite things to do with couples is let them fight. Stop pretending nice in front of me and rip into each other. Then I ask, “Do you always treat each other like this?”
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You can acknowledge you’re part of a larger cycle. That you’re responding to hurt and provocation. But blaming your own chosen responses on someone else abdicates all responsibility and eradicated all hopes of teamwork in resolving the issue. Couples who do this rarely make it.
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