Marriage Tip: Transparency can be really stupid. If you have screwed up, get help, fix it, and move on. No need to destroy your entire family for sake of "coming clean". Tell your priest, talk to Gd, but spare your loved ones.
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Replying to @dovidfeldman
Really? Can you give me an example where this would be the case? I am interested to hear your thoughts because I definitely am all about transparency, even when it hurts.
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Replying to @itsmedevclev
I know a married woman who developed feelings for another woman in her office. She never acted on it, but it was an issue for her for several years. She went to a marriage counselor about it, and eventually it passed for several reasons, including the other person quitting. 1/2
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Replying to @dovidfeldman
Her & the therapist agreed that sharing this info with her husband would have been disastrous for their relationship, given his previous history with a woman who cheated. Trust would have been shattered. She is happily married, a great mom, and a wonderful wife to this day :)
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Replying to @dovidfeldman
Hmmm , interesting. Thanks for sharing perspective. Always appreciate it Dovid!
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Replying to @itsmedevclev @dovidfeldman
In this example, it seems as though her feelings were only internal, & she didn't act on them. I agree, probably better to let it go. But if she acted on them, & betrayed her husband, she would have owed it to him to come clean. I don't believe those things ever stay hidden.
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Replying to @OpheliaMaddsen @dovidfeldman
I’ve heard this argument so many times. Almost always from my fellow marriage counselors. “Keep the truth hidden so others don’t suffer.” So many opportunities for growth and true intimacy are lost. And as a Christian, I really can’t support concealing the truth.
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Replying to @TheBrometheus @dovidfeldman
Your experience, through your work, is certainly deeper than mine. I do prefer full honesty at all times.
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Actually, I agree with you. I’m generalizing to the original argument. Marriage counselors I work around frequently support hiding things for the sake of Spring a partner. As if hiding these secret things somehow will never ever impact intimacy or love in any way.
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Replying to @TheBrometheus @dovidfeldman
It's a lie. A pea " buried under,1000 mattresses" still causes the irritation.. The truth surfaces eventually and this is right and just. Your God knows. Your wife/husband knows before you tell them.. The only one being lied to is you, by you. Carnality has a cost like it or not
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