So different from H#1, a visible wolf, H#2 was meek & funny. Never aggressive. I tried to be SO careful not to choose a player who strutted around. He was the opposite of all that. That was my longer, more painful lesson in what passive aggressive looks like...
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It took me 8 yrs to learn from that mistake, & will take me my entire life to make it up to my children. That they had to learn from my mistakes too is one of the few true regrets that I have. That they may never forgive me for it is one of my greatest fears...
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All this to say... No matter how you learn, or where you learn it from, you MUST learn from your mistakes. Don't let shame or regret blind you to the lessons you can take from every error & every rock bottom you hit. & don't let others shame you into repeating those errors...
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Nothing I've shared here is a secret from the people I know. I am not ashamed of how I came to be the person I am. I am mostly just proud that I am no longer that weak, sad, suicidal wretch, covered in bruises & clueless as to how it all went wrong...
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It took yrs, but I unfucked my life. I've built on each lesson, to make a newer, better version of myself who is not afraid to be authentically me. I put those brutal truths on my sleeve, & found a man who never made any of the mistakes I had, but was not afraid of my past...
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He is decent & honest, & he has been a very good father to my children & his. He saw that thing in me, that was trying to be better, & he steadfastly stood at every fork in the road, to help lead the way to what was right. He is the result of the lessons I've learned...
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Those lessons taught me that other people's judgment or approval don't really matter, if I know that I am being true to myself. That shame & fear will destroy your life, if you let them. That no matter how bad your mistakes are, there is always a way up, if you work for it...
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And that no matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse if you have the wrong attitude. Seek out people who are better than you. Be honest about who you are, & be willing to offer what you can in return for any pearls of wisdom they offer...
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Use what you learn to help & encourage others. And, as I am wont to do, never be afraid to laugh at yourself or offer good natured humor to others. My dark humor got me through many dark days. It is my coping mechanism of choice...
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So, if my leggy pics or dorky jokes offend you, just mute me. I am here to learn from the exceptional peeps in my circle, & offer back whatever I can I return. That I have been so exceptionally lucky in that regard is something I am perpetually grateful for. Thanks peeps.
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No judgment from me. I’m pleased to know you better, to have some answers illuminated so I understand where you come from, and more than pleased to hear you’re on the winding road to fulfillment and peace.
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Replying to @TheBrometheus
Thank you Adam. You are definitely on the list of peeps I value very highly
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I have told these stories so many times, but today was harder than it's ever been before. When I look down, the old me feels so far away now.1 reply 0 retweets 1 like -
Replying to @OpheliaMaddsen
I understand the feeling. Exquisitely bittersweet.
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