A damaged man is incapable of love because he does not believe love will be freely given, only earned through works. He seeks false intimacy in lust and mistakes sex for acceptance. These men seek insecure women who believe themselves unlovable and who use sex to earn approval.
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They feel pressure to never make a mistake because then people will suddenly see that flawed part of them and abandon them. So they earn love by being overly romantic, or obsessively devoted to their partner’s pleasure in bed. The goal is to overwhelm them with pleasure.
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But the real goal is gratitude. “If I make them happy enough and fix all their problems they’ll be so grateful they’ll never abandon me.” This is why a person with attachment issues tends to gravitate toward people who are so messed up they’ll never run out of problems to fix.
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