Let’s talk depression and how it differs for men and women. Men become depressed when they perceive a lack of control over their environment and their own feelings, when the pain won’t stop. Women become depressed when they feel unloved and useless to their family. Thread:
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Men need control. They need to feel like they can effect change. Men need a mission and the belief they can accomplish it. With this in place, a man can endure any trial. With no mission or belief in possible accomplishment, man collapses into despair and learned helplessness.
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Helplessness and perceived impotence drag a man into depression. Prolonged helplessness turns into hopelessness, which indicates the severity rating on that depression. A man with zero hope is a man looking for a permanent way out regardless of consequence.
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Women are different, more relational. They need to believe they are loved and they need to be useful to their loved ones. Their mission is the well-being of family, it’s automatic with anyone they connect to. When they feel like a burden or can’t help their loved ones, they sink.
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A woman who watches her loved ones suffer where she can’t comfort or help them feels despair eat away at her. Their trauma becomes her trauma. Same if she believes no one loves her or ever will. A woman who believes she’s unlovable sinks into depression real fast and stays there.
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Men are about action. When they have control to exert themself through action, they do well. Women are relational. When they believe they are loved and of use to their family, they do well. The key to fixing these depression issues is to find where you lack in these areas.
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Are you a man who feels helpless and hopeless? Find the small ways you can take control. Prove to yourself you have some leverage, any leverage. Build yourself back up and take control step by step. Reach out and get new solutions from mentors who see more clearly than you do.
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Are you a woman feeling unloved and useless? Figure out what you hate about yourself and either fix it or forgive yourself. Change who you’re with so they can accept your love. Find small ways to help those who are hurting. Get involved in volunteer charity work to feel useful.
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These are not instant fixes and can’t replace deep introspection and perhaps some mental health treatment, but if you feel depressed and hopeless, let this thread guide you in making a start. And reach out with questions to people around you. Question your dark assumptions.
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